everything happens fer a reason

2006-01-22T21:12:00.000+08:00

i've MOVED :D

www.slits-.blogspot.com

PLEASE RELINK (:

2006-01-20T20:25:00.000+08:00

hello, i know i've not blogged for ages. haha, but today's post ain't gonna be long either.

how was i supposed to expect the unexpected.

now i know how they felt, 'cos im feeling it too.

the diet&starvation plan to help me lose weight shall commence next monday. everyone, please dont tempt me with food/sweets, etc. thanks.

im screwed. i fell right into the trap.

2006-01-05T17:38:00.000+08:00

i've finally understood the importance of panadol. those hotpink pills helped me survive today, seriously. horrid cramps. ughh.

i got caught for chewing gum in class, stupid mrs loe. and i still dont know how to blow the damn bubble lah.

AISYAH :D thanks for the present! (:

my eyecandy & those morning glances(:
the paranioa suffocates ;
& i really can't wait(:

HER(:

2006-01-04T16:49:00.000+08:00

so, school's started.

first day of school, ytday, was nothing much of course. all that i needed any adjusting to was climbing all the way up to the 4th floor which is awfully tiring, and not having the toilet right next to the classroom anymore, which is a real pity. having the toilet next door is really nearby, apart from the obvious reasons like when oyu really need to use the bathroom, stalling time away from class and chitchatting outside the toilet at the watercooler can be quite fun. now all we have next door is 4e6 and 1e6.

i guess the teachers and FMs that we got are quite ok. we could've gotten worse teachers, so i guess we're quite lucky.

the radio forecast said it was gonna be a RAINY AFTERNOON. it was the bloody opposite please! i should SUE them, horrid people. coach came in a horrible temper, and she looks even fiercer now that she dyed her hair reddish brown. she accepted my MC so grudgingly that i thought she'd throw it back at my face or smth. trng was horrible as usual, but even tougher then when i last trained. and the sun was HOT HOT HOT.

i came back all super burnt. i couldn't sleep well last night since my lips and cheeks hurt from being sunburnt. oh hell yeah, my LIPS were sunburnt.

i dont know whether to say today's class outing to bond ( though i dont think we bonded at all ) was a complete waste of my time, or a day of relaxed SUNBURNT fun. i guess it was a mixture of both. the games wep layed were silly, but the forfiets were funny as long as i didn't have to do them. the food was good, and after that it was pretty much do whatever you want time.

we ( linyi, fawn, viv&i) headed down to the beach to throw stones into the water and watch them skip. STUPID lah. my stones wont skip at all! and viv&linyi's could skip up to like 3 times please! even fawn made hers skip twice! ROAR. we hid viv's slipper! haha, and then we buried the other! HAHA! :D later on, after all the playing in the water, linyi had this brainwave to go get her pinafore. before she even reached the pinafore, she got shoved into the water! and viv ended up having the same fate since she didn't react fast enough to MOVE AWAY -.-

im starting to ache form trng only now, so everytime i move, it's OW OW OW. and my face and lips hurt like hell too, even though i've already used up all the ice in the house icing every burnt bit of skin on my face. i've made another batch of ice in the freezer, but it's not frozen yet, so in the meantime i must be careful and not scrunch up my face or do anything funny to make my face hurt even more. even when i SNEEZED, ooh my face hurt, like OWWW OWWW OWWW.

and how unfair is this please! it rained TODAY, but couldn't rain ytday, not even any cloud cover lah! so since it rained today, i dont know whether it'll rain TMR : / ROAR.

i keep telling myself to put my odt into my bag, i really hope i dont forget. shucks. and do lessons start tmr? the timetable on the sch's website is so colourful and complicated lah! stupid viv didn't bring my timetable for me today! HMPH.

anyway, my mom's being such a irritating nag. she's nagged at my brother ever since he got home from school, till i've to shout at her because it's really not my brot'her's fault. she's treating my bro like he's p4 or smth! like WTH. mike and i figured she nags at him because there's no other younger sibling of our for her to nag at. last itme mike and i used to be at loggerheads like ALL THE TIME, now im always on his side shouting at my mom for him.

PLEASE LET IT RAIN TMR.
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE.

thankyou(:
if it really does rain tmr, i promise to not sleep in class for the first week of school! :D

/im hiding,
& im not gonna let anyone find me.

2006-01-02T20:10:00.000+08:00

hello 2006, goodbye 2005. i still can't believe that it's 2006 already.

im not excited about school tmr. it'll be nice to see all the familiar faces of everyone now again, but what else is there to look forward to? i beg all staff of tkgs to make their new year welcome back to school lectures short tmr.

and there's trng tmr! the first day of school really can't get any worse. dad said that my attitude towards trng has totally changed like 180degrees. oh well .. what can i say? things change, people change, i change.

i used to think sec 4 was ages away. and tmr, i'll have to climb all the way up to the fourth floor and be sec 4.

i called syu up today, mainly to whine to her about how much i was dreading trng. and i must say, i like talking to syu on the phone (: i dont know why, but she's so nice to talk to on the phone, haha. i can talk to her about anything at all, and apart from the occasional very adverse reactions from her, i know i can still count on her to give me a proper opinion about things. (:

somehow, i feel that the holidays went by much faster then usual. maybe because there was extended studies in early november, then i was busy with trngs and tuitions. i did go out, but hardly. i only went to town once, i only watched 3 movies. all those plans of going out and having fun with steffi soon disappeared, until now, i still dont know why.

it's been raining quite often of late, almost everyday in fact. mostly, it'll rian at night/early morning, then the rest of the day will be pretty dry and hot. PLEASE, let tmr afternoon's weather be humane, thank you.

my mother told me that her friend's daughter enrolled in some institution instead of going to JC/poly for the first 3 months through her prelim results. i can't rmb what this school is called, but it's for those people who dont do well enough in their prelims to get into any JC or Poly. my mom was talking to me about the school as though i was enrolling in it next month! ooh, it's really comforting to know that my mom doesn't think i can make it to JC.

ok, so it's back to getting up at 5plus every morning, and not sleeping till the wee hours of the morning. it's back to rushing homework, and mugging nonstop.

and im still as bothered about my weight as in 2005.

and it's square one all over again.

2005-12-29T20:09:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't have gotten so angry and upset, but i did. and i ended up getting so angry and upset that my bloody fever got worse and got my temp up.

sriously, what the fuck is her problem? is it MY FAULT that i fell sick? is it MY FAULT that i had emath classes everyday so i missed loads of trng? MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT. i say i dont care if she drops me from the list of B Div players, or if she sacks me from vicecapt. i do care, but i can't do much about it.

oh WHAT THE HELL am i talking about?

i know im really unwanted, so i wont even turn up to support the team at tmr's much. all the best.

oh fuck, i've got a headache again.

2005-12-28T15:20:00.000+08:00

YEAH, im finally 15 (:

THANKYOU ;
to eunice, melody & amanda for their presents

&

to aisyah for accompanying me to lavender to go do my IC.

melody, you ALREADY got me a present so no need to get me anything else please! and aisyah, you dont have to get me anything either! :D

im dreading training tmr. everyone please PRAY HARD that it storms & rains SUPER HEAVILY at SCHOOL tmr so that our training is either cancelled or we've gotta do PT. if it does rain& pour tmr, i swear i'll love everyone who prayed! hahaha :D

tuition's tmr in the afternoon i think, i've gotta go finish up my emaths!

Aanyway, thankyou loads for the BIRTHDAY WISHES/TAGS&PRESENTS. i love y'all <33

and dear syu, im not gonna ask anything at all ok! if not the person may suspect what we're trying to get at! you dont have to believe my inference about it lah, but im pretty sure i AM right ok! haha, see you SOON :D p.s kindly dont flirt anymore, thankyou(:

say oohlala(:

2005-12-26T18:22:00.000+08:00

tmr's the 27th!
and tmr i shall turn 15 1742h(:

but very sadly, i have to wake up at 7am tmr to go to school! : (
ROAR. stupid stupid stupid.

mummy's buying me a chocolate cake :D :D :D i shall eat first & enjoy before worrying about those CALORIES.

heymath is driving me CRAZY. i spent the whole afternoon today doing emath set 2. but at least everything's done, except for some that i dont know.

sweet(:

2005-12-23T18:07:00.000+08:00

HAHA, viv's christmas card finally came ! :D if it sounds like i simply couldn't wait for card & its sticker cos i've been having a pathetic pre christmas and not receiving any cards, well then you're wrong! i was lookingvery much forward to her card, becasue i couldn't wait to find out what that qian bian sticker was! :D

for starters, the card in a really colourful envelope! that qian bian sticker was right on the front! OH MY lah! cute sticker viv, but NO i dont miss you! [:then i opened the card, and my first reaction was WOAH ; written in green, i quote:

" I KNOW YOU MISS ME.
YOU KNOW YOU MISS ME
WE BOTH KNOW YOU MISS ME"

my brother saw it, and he went " eh! you got boyfriend ah? "

and vivienne lim! i DONT live in SELF-DENIAL ok! like, hello?! and i know my chinese is poor lah, but i DO know that shushu means UNCLE ok! please, i think i knew that word like since kindergarten lah!

no school = no viv? HAHAHAHA. everyone, go "AWWW"

oh! and viv happened to be the first person to wish me happy birthday (: THANYOU viv! [: and the telephone you drew was cute btw(:

I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING ; almost this WHOLE POST has to do with viv, hahaha.

anyway, thanks for the christmas card viv! it's too late for me to send you one, so MERRY CHRISTMAS to you [: school's starting real soon, so see you soon then! (:

(:

2005-12-22T18:18:00.000+08:00

HELLO :D i just i haven't updated for TEN days! haha, that must be the longest i've not blogged so far. besides, not many people read it, so no harm done.

i've officially wasted my WHOLE holidays by not touching ANYTHING at all apart from doing my tuition math hmwk, and yet i dont feel guilty one teeny weeny bit.

it's two days to xmas EVE and just THREE more days to CHRISTMAS! :D so a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone(: i love you all to bits! <3

it's gonna be my BIRTHDAY soon! and GUESS WHAT. im gonna be spending it in SCHOOL all because of a stupid cca promotion/sec 1 orientation meeting. AH GREAT, i can't make up my mind whether or not to pon it. and even if i DO pon it, i've got no plans to go out anyway. : /

my my (:

2005-12-12T18:50:00.000+08:00

this past weekend was real fun and super super tiring!

we had a bbq at joel's new place (mike's friend) on sat evening. the potato salad was absolutely delicious :D bbqing was fun, and very smoky. i had a cup of really good wine :D :D too bad, i was just limited to ONE cup only :( there were quite a few other parents around, so all the parents were seated down at oen tahble yakking away.

sunday was really the highlight of my weekend actually. the whole family went out for lunch and met up with dad's old colleague and their family. they're australians, from melbourne! they've got 2 kids, laura whose 15 as well, and daniel whose 13 going on 14 next january. OH MY, daniel's only 2 years my jnr and he's like SO TALL AND BIG! ok, not that big, but big for a 13 yrold. aaaaannnd, he's SUPER SUPER GOOD LOOKING! :D :D :D :D hahaha (:he didn't really talk much, pretty shy i guess. then again, only the parents did much of the talking, the rest of us just listened in and laughed along [: aaah, too bad, they're going back to melbourne tmr morning, so there's no chance of meeting up with them again.

i had so much trouble getting up for this morning's run at bedok today, im still so tired! amanda and i ran together, super slowly! hahah, we were laughing and talking away. my ankle hurt like after the 4th round, and it hurt really bad ok. i stopped running and walked a bit to ease the pain, and she walked with me too! :D but at least we finished it by running, and not walking [: i know we took super super long, like 20mins or smth? haha!

i was SO SO SO tired when i came home today. i finally had my POWER NAP of 3 hours :D hahaha.

oh you just gotta wait,
love ain't no easy,
it's a game of give and take (:

2005-12-10T14:59:00.000+08:00

finally, we had a family gathering yesterday ; sam, me, laura&cherrie. :D it was really fun, we walked around a lot and took NEOS! i dont know why dont they ever translate all the japanese stuff into english so people can actually UNDERSTAND what they're supposed to do. we were so captured by the stupid "aces day" thingy! haha, we kept looking at it till we didn't know that it was already time to take the shot! so that first photo turned out really : / HAHA. we didn't have time to think of poses or stuff, so everything was really impromtu! for one shot, cherrie and laura decided to cover sams's eyes and mine! i think that was the NOISIEST shot of all, everyone was SCREAMING! and when we came out after taking the neos, everyone was staring like .. what on earth was going on inside! HAHA. and there's SO LITTLE space for everyone to squeeze in to write whatever you want on the neos! ugh.

before taking neos, we had lunch at the food court. cherrie and i had beef noodles which were absolutely FILLING. sam was like this food machine ! he finished his own mee pok, and finsihed off everyone else's food! and PLEASE lah! i did eat my food ok! but there was just SO SO MUCH!

ooh, and i've almost convinced my mom to let me pierce my ears! yu, so once she gives me the go ahead, then i'll call sam and we can both go and pierce! :D

bbq later, all the way at CLEMENTI, so far!

i wanted to touch some of my heymath today, but after doing TWO questions, i got too lazy and gave up. : / howhowhow? i've still got so much left! haha.

15 days to christmas! i can't wait (:

2005-12-05T17:41:00.000+08:00

HELLO SAM! :D hahaha, i met sam outside GV at tm today. AEON FLUX was good! well, the story line was creative and pretty original i guess although i didn't find it really interesting, but the computer graphics was cool. :D

the week ahead looks like it's gonna be a busy one! amath tuition tmr, run/fitness on wed, out with michelle on thurs, out with sam, cheryl&laura on fri after run, bbq at joel's with family on sat, out with steffi, jiayi&charlotte on sun. i NEED $$$$$. sponsors anyone? [:

i think my ankle's getting better :D it doesn't hurt so now. maybe i'll be able to run by wed (:

and it turns out that i've already read BLONDE AMBITION lah! dang it.

i need to give up (:

2005-12-04T16:12:00.000+08:00

it's been quite a few days since i last updated, nothing much has happened i guess, except for us beating junyuan sec 43-34! :D the holidays are slipping by real fast, sheesh. we've got less then ONE month left to school, to being sec FOURS. : / i dont WANT to be sec 4, ugh.

somehow i feel that once it's dec 22nd, the days would just fly by. mike guets his posting results on 22nd, hopefully he gets into sji and not tkss. i'll just FAINT if he has to end up there. then 23rd he gets to go to his new school. 25th xmas, 27th my bday, 29th my grandma's bday .. then the start of 2006 is just round the corner.

i finally printed out all my heymath work, there's SO MUCH TO DO! 60 bloody questions, and im not math whiz please. OHMY. and i've done like er .. 2 amath questions and about 7 emaths ones? oh man, im so dead.

my ankle's fickle-minded! one day it hurts just a little, the next day it doesn't hurt at all, then the day after it hurts like shit again! at least the swelling's down, it just HURTS. oh, and there's run in the morning at bedok stadium tmr plus 3 sets of fitness. mom says if it hurts too bad, dont go. well, that makes good sense.

i went to pasir ris library just now with mike, and i found BLONDE AMBITION ; ALIST! like, FINALLY i see another alist book! YAY! :D :D i couldn't find any ALIST at first, then just as i was about to go home, i turned around and the bok was just STARING at me. OH! they've upgraded the borrowing counters too. takes up less space and all, quite nice. normally the card slots down vertically right? this time the machine's card slot is horizontal, and my card kept SLIPPING OUT! i dunnoe why my card is EXTRA SKINNY or smth, but every 2 books it'll just slip out and the receipt will shoot out at me when i didn't remove my card -.- so finally some guy came to help me, he shoved a white blank card in to stop it from moving. STUPID CARD lah.

mmhmmh, i thought jiayi, charlotte, steffi and i were supposed to go shopping or smth this week. funny thing is, no one called me, and the week's already up. ah well, i can't do much window shopping with my ankl hurting so much anyway.

im watching CHICKEN LITTLE tmr! :D my birthday movie treat from michael! he's paying $5 of my ticket, better then nothing! [:

oh YAY! im meeting michelle on thursday, finally! it's so hard to find time when both of us are free to meet up. i've got trng and tuitions, while she's got prefect meeting, guides and debate. i hope thursday comes real SOON :D

oh yeah, and syu? rmb what we talked about on the bus? just PLEASE dont even consider hating me if .. well.. yknow.. ok?

i realised i've not talked to lynette for ages. i tried to call her twice, but she never picks up. poots.

they met. 4 days straight. her place. movie marathon-ed. i should just give up.

my my...tsk tsk...

2005-12-02T17:21:00.000+08:00

RACHEL... my dear lao po..
tsk tsk..

you're a html genius aye? :D

always remember..
CLOSE YOUR TAGS..
or..
COPY AND PASTE PROPERLY..
^ ^

or they'll overlap into your other stuffs which screw things up.
*ahem*
i will have to give you a lesson in html when i get back.
which will be TOMORROW!! (:

wheeeeee *~*~*~*~*~

2005-11-29T11:14:00.000+08:00

40mins53s (:

thankyou :D

trng was in the morning yesterday, and the sun was SO HOT! i dont know why, but i just hate trngs in the morning, i just feel too sleepy. i didn't rush out of the house or anything, but yet i forgot to bring my TOWEL, JACKET and SHOEBAG! PFFFFFFFFT. i cleverly froze on bus31 all the way to school, such a long journey somemore! : (

i didn't get to play in any of the 5on5 since i sprained my right ankle while doing coach's "test". i felt so bad, cos i made syu do so much running up and down and i know she was tired, i was! by the time i got home, my ankle had swollen up to the size of a nice round tomato, and my face was like some super red lobster. ugh. at least all the icing ytday helped, it's not swollen anymore but still hurts.

i still havent watched my harry potter yet! RARH. i wanted to watch ytday, but i couldn't get out of the house with my leg hurting like that. i wanted to watch this morning but there wasn't enough time since i've got tuition later. i shall watch tmr after trng, and HOPEFULLY nothing else screws up my plans again.

no calls this morning, i suppose that means everything went well (:

and i can't get you out of my head.

2005-11-27T17:37:00.000+08:00

BWAHAHAHA, i've got 7th sense! :D

what with all the going out today, i didn't have time to NAP. but nvm, im so HIGH now, i dont need any nap, i've got adrenalin that will keep me going till tmr for training.

the phone didn't RINGRING today, i made it RINGRING on the other end this time! and we chatted cos i was BORED, haha! (:

im planning to watch harry potter at TM after trng in the afternoon tmr. i hope it's not too freaky, cos im all alone! poots lah!

anyway, i borrowed BRIDE&PREJUDICE on the way home from the library with mike today, plus MADGASCAR! :D i can't wait to watch them and laugh my head off.

oh and know what! the BATTLE OF THE BULGE has begun! and for ONCE i've gotten pass the FIRST day of a diet! :D hopefully i can lose all those extra kilos, ugh!

mmhmm, jt's got a quiz for me to do, nvm i'll do it another day kay jt! and DO go for tuition lah! :D

it's exactly ONE more month to my birthday! [:

:D

2005-11-26T10:45:00.000+08:00

my stomach's finally back to normal! no more diarrhoea for me thankyou! BYE food poisoning. stupid food poisoning had me out of trng yesterday, and trng looked so fun and i had to miss it!

mike and i stayed up to watch HITCH on vcd last night. it was SO FUNNY! we were laughing non stop throughout the show, i swear. HAHAHA, the part where Alex Hitch was trying to get Albert what'shisname to kiss him at the door step, and Albert REALLY kissed him! that got both of us rolling on the floor. BWAHAHA.

oh, and if i sound hyper, it's cos the phone rang ytday. :D :D :D :D :D :D although i was told to "can you please call dawn for me?", i was still grinning like a friggin idiot who just won a million bucks or smomething. and that bloody dawn didn't even pick up my call anyway, hehh, so i had another chance to call back and say that she didn't pick up.

just thinking about it makes me GRIN like some stupid thing again. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

dont you just love it when the phone suddenly goes "RING RING" (:

2005-11-24T18:29:00.000+08:00

and so im back to square one, but with a slight difference this time. now, i want to MAKE my self FAT, so that i can HATE myself for being FAT, then i can STARVE myself and skip meals and all to try and lose the bloody weight. and of cos as always, i'll hardly manage to lose any weight. all this would then give me a better reason to hate myself and self hurt, which in turn would satisfy this unusual craving i have for pain.

oh fuck, im so screwed.

and to top it all off, my brother had to proudly annoy me by announcing that he'd scored 243 for psle which obviously topped my 237 score.

AND, to make everything worse, i've got trng tmr.

oh bloody fucking hell.

2005-11-23T11:09:00.000+08:00

and tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

one without a permanent scar.

-Drops of Jupiter

finally, the sun's come out today. it rained for the past day and night. it's a pity there wasn't any lightening and thunder. i just love the sky when it's all dark and stormy, then i see those streaks of lightenings and hear those clap of thunder rumbling in the distance.

the clouds are rolling in again. i've got a sneaky feeling it's gonna rain again later. let's hope it rains just as trng begins :D

i've not been online for ages now. i can't be bothered to talk to anyone online anyway. and my msn always screws up just as im about to start conversations with - . it just ANNOYS me to death. the other time, - came online and then my msn chose to sign me out. ROAR.

michael's psle results are coming out tmr. mom asked me to go with her and him to his sch and then everyone can go out for lunch together. it's either VS or SJI for him apparently.

im in such a weird state of mind. i was not crying, i was neither sad nor depressed, but yet i managed to pick it up and press it against my hand till it left a slight mark. i thought i'd never be capable of such things, but now it seems so easy to cut myself.

i think i'll call tmr. there's no harm in it, besides, i do need to rant some stuff at someone.

/ooze the blood

2005-11-21T20:41:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i've blogged, mmhmm.

the weather's been horrid of late, it's either too hot or too cold. and it makes my nose go AH CHOO like crazy.

alright, anyone wanna go watch harry potter with me, now that steffi can't go? oh well, going by myself isn't such a bad idea actually.

/my craving.

2005-11-15T20:43:00.000+08:00

i got so mad today that i bit into my lip so hard it cracked and bled.

how weird, i was supposed to me viv & alison at 7am at tamp interchange to take bus to go to school together but we ended up not being able to find each other even though we were supposedly standing at the SAME PLACES AT THE SAME TIME! oh my, how weird. i got there at 7:04 and waited and waited. i saw SO MANY 291s pass by, but no viv got down from them. i didn't see a glimpse of alison either. there were only 2 other green humans there, they were sec 1s and they went off to take the mrt instead after meeting each other. WEIRD.

today was HANGMAN day! my whole bio worksheet has scribbles all over it, form hangman games to the whole stream of alphabetes from a to z written by (who else) viv. :D she attempted to write down numbers to, but ended up not being able to count up to 10 correctly. and viv came up with things like TRICUSPID VALVE for me to guess, ROAR. it took me AGES lah! and with jingchun's help somemore! i made her guess the D-MONSTER! HAHAHA.

horrible canteen, none of the stalls were open. pfft. i went without recess and breakfast today, and my tummy was growling like mad. i paid some attention in emath, angle properties are quite fun actually :D and somewhere in the middle of the lessons, the talk about white school shoes began between mrs loy and viv. HAHH, why must she bother to spot the SOLES of people's shoes when even dear MDM KHOO doesn't bother?

yasmin and viv were making so much noise, singing all sorts of stupid songs. so noisy lah viv! HAHA, horrid! then i got pissed with someone in class about someting, and decided to just shut my mouth for the rest of the lesson. oh well.

i dont know what got into my head, but on the way home, i decided to eat a BAG OF CHIPS to stem the hunger. and i ate so much for lunch and dinner today, i feel like all that food can last me for another WEEK of smth! ROAR.

im dreading trng like hell. apparently coach thought that i wanted to quit the team or smth, cos i've been absent for so long. why didn't anyone have the sense to tell her im down for EMATH extended studies which is EVERYDAY?

8:58pm and im tired.

emath test tmr, and so many people from the same row are ponning. there's only gonna be me left with the 4 malay girls ? joy, viv, yasmin & mel all ponning, leaving me all alone. thankyou very much.

oh anyway, fawn! enjoy the a list books ok! happy working, dont worry. i dont miss your [: one bit!

and viv, i wanna see purpple hair. hahaha. HANGMAN! :D

/let's slit.

2005-11-14T20:46:00.000+08:00

:D that warren peace guy is really good looking. hehe.

11 colourful clips on my head today, and mrs loy didn't even catch me! zhenglaoshi couldn't stop staring at me though, and mrs ang asked me whether each clip colour represented something!

ever felt that everything was so unfair, that all you wanted to do was to scream and shout, and cry your eyes out?

and you no longer run from the pain, instead you want it even more.

pain never seemed more appealing.

taste the pain, and let the blood drip.

2005-11-11T20:33:00.000+08:00

finally, i can access blogger again. blogskins.com is still unaccessible on this com, strange.

i was late for school today. i think that's like the 2nd time in my entire 13 years of schooling so far, excluding kindergarten. i got out of the house late, took the bus to the interchange late, took 31 to school [and that's such a long journey], so naturally i was late. :D no clipping the crocodile clip to mel's pinafore today, since viv didn't come and yasmin was sitting beside her. no fawn to make scary faces at me today, and no viv to pull at my shirt sleeve, yay.

so steffi and i went to watch Just Like Heaven. typical plot of a love comedy, tragedy in the beginning then guy saves girl and they live happily ever after. but it was enjoyable(: we walked a lot, all over marina square and suntec. we went into Billabong at marina square and got superly irritated with the sale guy. he followed us EVERYWHERE, and kept butting in! we told him we were just BROWSING THANKYOU, but NO he didn't get the hint that we just wanted to be left alone. ROAR.

i found a nice pencil case from The Wallet Shop! and it's only $8.90, MARVELLOUS. i dont have to spend a bomb on it :D

Levi's jeans cost $169.90! INSANE.

my computer time is up. shit.

goodnight.

2005-11-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

i was such a good girl today :D i did not sleep in ss! and i went for chem. HAHA :D my baobei chem tys is with viv now, haha.

eeps, i ate too much today. AHHHHH :(

and viv. STOP calling me INSULIN! that's NOT my name ok! ROAR! and please lah, i didn't phsycho you to pon anything ok! dont talking nonsense!

jiayi should have wished me more luck, and i should have prayed harder right melody! :D HAHAHA.

ohmygoodness, what is going on! this is SCARY. please, dont let me have nightmares!

oh yeah, thanks for the fries melody. next time no need to buy ok! i can do without lunch, just fine. besides, i ate so much during school lah.

i froze on the bus on the way home today. i tried to sleep but oculdn't. i just kept thinking about that fly :D

this is a very random entry. -shurgs.

how should i go to school tmr? hmmmhmmm.

tell me(:

2005-11-08T15:16:00.000+08:00

with my whole heart and soul, i hate dawn.

i decided to visit her blog, and realised she relinked. her new blog, plain and simple, but more than enough to satisfy my curiousity. and my oh my, every inch of that bloody blog reminds me of NL. look at how she signs off her posts! ROAR. and then i started reading her posts, nothing much of the ordinary, mainly about her life just like what all the rest of us blog about. and then i read on somemore, then i came to the very interesting parts.

there's one post about NL. i read everything, and i just feel like screaming into her bloody face. dont get me wrong, i dont dislike her because of her current occuptation. i just cannot stand her character. how she treats ME ; so things happened in the past, now she's the lucky girl, why be jealous of me? i've called her hphouse phone at LEAST 3 times for the sake of communication b/w both of them, yet there's not a words of thanks. she merely says " k, bye" and puts down the phone hurriedly everytime i call.

ok, so maybe im the inconsequential character in this story. so how about the way she treats NL then? c'mon, 8months and not one fucking meeting? sore eyes, fever, grounded by parents, EXCUSES galore. and what a coincidence, she's always sick whenever they are supposed to go out. i really feel sorry for NL, really. all the sweet words, sweet testimonials, sweet msges, sweet phone calls, but not one bloody meeting, turned down every single time. how sad, tsk.

too bad she doesn't know that i've gone behind the scenes so many times, trying to help NL and just lend my tired listening ear to endless stream of things that seem to go wrong b/w them.

i dont know why im getting so worked up over this, afterall, i should be pretty damned used to this by now shouldn't i?

dawn ain't stupid, but she sure is oblivious about why NL has never shouted at her nor blown up. and damn it, i hate it that she takes full advantage of that fact.

and sure she thinks she knows NL by the back of her hand. im sure she does, but guess what, i know NL by the back of BOTH MY HANDS. she's known NL for merely 8months. heh, guess what dawney, i've known NL for 2 bloody years dear.

and just before i read all this from dawney's blog, guess who called me? :D but damn it, i've got tuition later, how am i supposed to go to orchard this afternoon!

i've no mood to take a nap after reading all that and blogging all this out. ROAR.

other reason why i dislike dawn to the ultimate -

1) she's smart with good results, damn good results.

2) even though she's not in any sports as her CCA, she can run her 2.4km in 10mins plus. DAMN.

3) her connection with NL

4) she's skinny, 47kg at 1.7m

im wso worked up right now. im gonna go for a run, something which i've avoided for a long time. then when i get home, i shall do so many situps, crunches and whatnot till i can't move anymore. let's see how hard i can run when im mad. let's see how far this fury brings me.

i hate dawn. and i just love typing the words "hate" and "dawn" in the same sentence.

my permanent scar, just tell me that you know. please.

2005-11-07T17:51:00.000+08:00

Tell me did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there.

-drops of jupiter - Train

i bothered to count again -

you're my permanent scar.

2005-11-06T19:11:00.000+08:00

moods, tempers and tantrums.

sarcasm, shouting, screaming and hurtful words.

happy faces, smiles too wide and sugar-coated words.

sweet dreams, weird nightmares and scary thoughts.

it's all about ;

hate&love.

2005-11-05T11:34:00.000+08:00

im back to square one, thinking im fat and masking everything up.

great.

2005-11-04T18:27:00.000+08:00

YAY. finally i can see my blog, and everyone's blogs again :D my com's super weird, i still can't go to blogskins :( now how am i supposed to change skins?

emath was okkkk today i s'pose. mrs loy's funny, sometimes. and the math sums she gave us weren't easy. how demoralising :( i TRIED to do my homework, i still dont know how to change the sign thingy, o-h-c-r-a-p.

viv and i went to the library and we got BOOKS :D oohlala, i can't wait to read my A-List. BUT very sadly, we didn't get the series! we got like PARTS of it. pffty :(

GUESS WHO JUST CAME ONLINE ? BUT MY COM CHOOSE TO KONK OUT ON ME NOW.

i can't fit into a size6. how depressing. i dont care, im gonna find some way to lose weight and shrink my bloody treetrunk sized thighs.

- no soft drinks
- no chips
- no fast food
- no junk food
- LOST of excersice

:D

ok, someone help me do a nice skin and help me move to diary-x PLEASE.

superfly (: <3

2005-11-01T17:36:00.000+08:00

im only allowed half an hour on the com per day. PFFT. oh well, i've only got myself to blame, so i'll just shut up about it then.

and viv, my previous entry was NOT random what! ok fine, maybe just a LITTLE.

i was dreading trng so much, but it turned out that there was none since it was POURING CATS&DOGS&COWS&PIGS. we didn't even manage to get to the court at GeylangSerai since we got stuck in school. i got a cold and couldn't stop sneezing when i got home. PFFTY.

thanks melody for the BIG BREAKFAST. and dont worry, nothing much happened when i got back.

oh yeah, to all ;send all emails to rachelong90@gmail.com ok? im sick and tired of using hotmail. bloody hell, i have 42 NEW messages today! and only TWO of the 42 are from my contacts.

deepavali lunch at Elan's place was good. really good food, and adorable dogs there too. :D roxy and spike!

im still full from lunch, i dont know how im gonna have a deepavali dinner at 7pm later. OOF.

10 more minutes left.

oh GREAT. my big mouth just said TOO much again. HOW HOW NOW? slap me pleae, ugh, just slap me.

and the bottom line is ; im not gonna ruin anything between anyone. im trying not to dislike her just because of erm, her current occupation. there's no point. and i know, there's nothing i can do.

someone just said i was anorexic.

nothing's gonna change anything.

if only, you knew.

2005-10-30T18:47:00.000+08:00

the revelation about dawn suddenly dawned on me.

i doubt anything i say is gonna make a difference, besides part of me doesn't want to make any difference.

i should count myself lucky that things aren't in a worse state. i'll try to be as content as i can the way things are, anything more would just be a bonus to me. i've got this sneaky feelings that my HINT got through and all those wise words that i receieved were forms of HINTs too.

(:

tuesdya's gonna be one FUN day for me! we're all going out for breakfast i think, then lunch is at dad's friends place and dinner is upstairs at our neighbour's house on the 13th floor. i HOPE i dont get a sore throat ; 2 indian meals in one day spells danger.

lucky syu told me to go call melody and ask about trng if not i wldn't have known that trng was changed from 2.30pm to 9am! and i get so pissed everytime the team just assumes that we know, even though NONE of the sec 3s were at last trng. now HOW ON EARTH are we gonna be able to be fit enough to play the B DIV matches which may start as early as JAN6TH, when all the sec 3s have extended studies for half the day.

this year flew by real quick, and next year's gonna fly by even faster. scary.

i turn 15 in less than 2 mths.

im gonna move my blog, porlly to diary-x, and i'll lock the posts that are meant for FRIENDS only yeah? i'll allow the other posts whereby im mainly bitching about school/trng, etc, to be read my ALL (inclusive of teachers). i've always thought that teachers were terribly busy people, but i never knew that included reading up on their studen'ts blogs.

my brain's a mess.

GOODBYE all.

2005-10-29T16:03:00.000+08:00

ah so it was no coincidence after all aye. no matter how good the intentions are, wrong actions at the wrong time would just make a larger mess.

we got back our report books. i knew what kind of results to expect, so i wasn't upset abou it. what really suprised me was the comment by the teacher. it said that i was setting myself prehaps too high standards, and that i should relax more and learn to take things in a broader perspective.

school's out, but with extended studies for the next 2 weeks, it's gonna seem like we're still at school. lessons start at 0800h on most days and ends at 1330h. trng STARTS at 1430h. WHERE is there gonna be time to change, eat and rush down to geylangserai court? AND what if we end class late?

OH AND GUESS WHAT. our new principal seems to have started some changes to the school already! next year, instead of being 4-SEVENERS, we're gonna be 4-GARDENIANS. i never knew there was flower called GARDENIA. it just sounds like BREAD to me.

i FINALLY know how to play TAIDEE. viv limited me to 5 STUPID QUESTIONMS ONLY! so that really made me think, cos i cldn't ask all those "is this bigger than that" kind of questions anymore. and desptie the fact that i was the worst player amongst viv, fawn and jingchun, i had GOOD CARDS! THREE 2s'!

this year's past so fast, it'e been scary. next year it's up to the 4th floor. joy, mel, saachi, yasmin and i have already decided where we're gonna sit. bear and jingchun are sitting with us too! so that means we've got BRAINS around :D i dont know how i would survive without jingchun helping me with all the math and science this year, seriously. she's been a major help(:

tournaments may start as early as JAN6th. we've got loads of trng during november, but only 2 trng sessions in dec. how retarded is that? i predict that we're gonna get trashed upside down, again, just like how we've been trashed every year to date. oh joy.

apparently i only smiled a little that day. how demanding, a big grin indeed! :D so she couldn't make it again. i really dont like that bitch. i dont like you dawn. i really really dont.

oh yeah, im smiling widely inside(:

2005-10-27T16:42:00.000+08:00

whatever.

my eyes have been itchy and red the whole day. horrible sore eyes.

and i dont suppose crying helps much aye.

and i'll just wait for another lucky day.

2005-10-26T16:06:00.000+08:00

(:

midnight phone call.

i remember everything too clearly.

my birthdays is going to be horrible this year. there's a possibility of having TRNG, CCA MEETING & TRNG all on the 27th dec. how absolutely horrid.

i dont care. i've decided.

superfly(:

2005-10-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

i dont know why i've not quit the school team when i'm so horrible at this sport.

i just hate every part of today.

and im sorry for not talking much during trng today melody.

happy belated birthday edna(:

i hate every inch of the fat&stupid me.

yeah, and how i feel doesn't matter at all DOES IT?

2005-10-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

im done with all that crying over my emath. all i can say is : thank goodness MdmLenny isn't gonna set the O Level emath paper. i dont care! im gonna get MY A1 for EMATH O LEVELS no matter what.

chinese was a big suprise, i passed and got a B3! :D zhenglaoshi gave us this cute squirrel badge thingy as a gift, since she's going migrating for 4 years. and TANKK is teaching us next year! oh horrid.

so it's confirmed, LokeYeo is going to be principal at TJC next year. god bless the staff and pupils there. i dont see how they're gonna survive with a principal who WANTS to shut down CCAs. bye LokeYeo, dont worry, you wont be missed at all.

i got so ... annoyed yesterday.
i quote : "oh yeah, DAWN WONT LIKE IT ANYWAY, so nvm we wont go lah"

i almost exploded in front of the computer. gimme a break PLEASE.

a funny incident took place on my home in the train. i stood against the glass panel near the door, stoning and looking out of the door. i was in a horrible mood and my eyes were hurting from all the crying. the train carriages were PACKED full of overseas Thai students, both boys and girls. my guess is, they're sec 1/2 since most of them were slightly taller or just about my height. this bunch of both boys and girls kept staring and giggling at me. i wondered what was going on, but was too tired to think any furthur. the teasing, laughter, giggles, and stares continued all the way till i got off. just as i alighted from the train, one of the guys waved and smiled! so THAT's what it was all about! HAHAHA! :D he really took me by suprise, and i smiled back at him(: i couldn't help but laugh to myself as i stepped out of the train, the cute Thai guy in a black tshirt who waved(:

then after that at the bus interchange, i saw vivienne too! HELLO VIVIENNE! :D

lit paper tmr, PLEASE let me get at least 30 so i can PASS my combined humanities.

i dont dare count up my points for L1R5, it's too scary. the points are gonna go sky high please!

yes, no, idontknow?

YES(:

2005-10-19T21:38:00.000+08:00

amath marks were horrible, but then again, exactly half the class got F9. what's WRONG with this school?

i passed chem :D getting B4 was a bonus :D :D at least all that hard work and calling jingchun at the last minute paid off :D :D :D

i got bitten by 4 mosquitoes during trng today. wont the school just fog those stupid insects away!

i declare our CCA teachers a waste of time. all they know how to do is carry that clipboard around to take our attendance. they dontk now how to go to mdm lee and speak to her about the porspect of the B DIV 2006 NOT BEING ABLE TO JOIN IN THE EAST ZONES TOURNAMENT NEXT YEAR. instead, i have to go and talk to mdm lee.

i dont believe this. there's actually a POSSIBILITY that the 4 of us (mingfang, syu, amanda and i) will not be able to play in ANY tournament in our LAST YEAR of being in the team? this is FANTASTIC. the year mingfang becomes captain, and i, vice-captain, we dont get to lead the team on court to play.

and is lokeyeo really going to TJC? if so, i pity all temasek JC students out there. we understand your pain, and as much as we wouldn't want any other human suffering lokeyeo's torture, we just can't contain our joy of her leaving the school. as far as im concerned, she's done enough damage already. GO LOKEYEO, just GO.

we're getting back emath, chinese and geog tmr. bring EXTRA TISSUES everyone!

you know what, just forget it.

2005-10-17T18:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELODY!

suprise surprise, i passed english. and a even bigger suprise, my parents did not faint nor shout or scold me when i told them both ss and eng marks. i see no reason to comment furthur on my marks. i've never been happy with them, and i dont know when i'll ever be satisfied.

i wanted to buy something from day and night to stem the hunger pangs that was becoming worse as the minutes went by, since i cleverly skipped recess and did not drink a sip of water sicne leaving the house at 6am. then bus135 drove by, and i boarded the bus without giving it a second thought.

i learnt something - there's no disappointment if there's no expectations in the first place.

am i stupid or stupid?

ms terry made a whole lot of people stay back today. we ended up meeting mdm lee cos terry was aught up with some parent. OH JOY! i've gotta do the plannign for sec 1 orientation AGAIN! no, im not enthusiastic about it. ROAR. and we've gotta SLEEP OVER in school this friday. the camp starts from friday after school to saturday 4.30pm. and there's TRNG on friday. i dont care, im going after trng. we've gotta bring SLEEPING BAGS.

ANYONE WHO HAS A SLEEPING BAG AND IS WILLING TO LEND IT TO ME, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I PROMISE I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT! (:

im stupid, because i dont know when enough is enough.

why dont i ever get what i want?

n i c h o l a s lim(:

2005-10-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

thank you melody(: bowling turned out to be better than expected, the food was great and i had a good time. walking under the umbrella didn't help much, for we still got wet all the same, but that just made things more fun.

it's suddenly dawned on me that this was the first time that i've been out since exams, apart from the trips to the mall by myself or with my brother. plans were made before exams while in the midst of studying, to go out with friends, watch movies and have fun with friends. but yet now, after the exams, i rather stay at home. -the irony. as pathetic as it seems, i see no point in going all out in celebration when i know im gonna cry over my marks when i get them back. and as much of a loser i may seem to be, somehow i prefer rotting at home with a good book to read than hanging out with friends. socialising seems like a chore, i prefer to amuse myself on my own.

im panicking about receiving results tmr. it suddenly occured to me that the essay i wrote was completely out of point and totally did not answer the question. i had fever that day, but no way is mother going to allow to use that excuse for failing english and getting retained. it seems petty too doesn't it? oh rachel got a fever, that's why she did so poorly. i can just imagine my mother saying that with plenty of sarcasm in tow. i can hear her saying that, in my head. ugh, get that horrid voice out of me please. it's hopelessly useless to worry abou anythign now. everything is over and done with. i KNOW there's completely no use in worrying, and yet i fret so.

UGH, i just hate myself sometimes.

the exams have taken people away from the computer. they've taken people away from the phone, limited forms of communication with whom they rarely contact and only when they need a chat or need help to solve something.

i can't help but feel this is wrong, so terribly wrong. i rely on the one i should least rely on.

nicholas lim?(:

2005-10-15T21:25:00.000+08:00

i called SYU and we FINALLY talked after CENTURIES aye? :D i told her all about the scary movie that the whole family watched. i shall NOT elaborate about the show any furthur, as i am STILL scared even though i watched it like 3 hrs ago. and syu wants me to let everyone know that :

i SCREAMED out loud ( like REALLY loud ) at least 4 times, and i BURST INTO TEARS twice! i was shit scared please! syu asked whether my BROTHER cried, HAHAHA. he didn't! he was clutching my mom the whole time though, while i erm .. had my fingers to my ears trying to block out every possible sound while burying my head in the pillow AND sitting beside my dad!

DONT ask me what show it is. you can go ask SYU, dont ask em. the very thought of the show, and i shudder. literally. there was one point in time whereby i screamed, then proceeded to shout "WHY MUST HOLLYWOOD PRODUCE THIS KIND OF SCARY SHIT" i was scared to BITS.

how am i gonna sleep properly tonight? the images of those killings are so VIVID in my mind. ok, i think i should stop talking about it. im scaring myself more, i've even got GOOSEBUMPS all over my arms now!

and dear ole' syu just sent me a testimonial. HAHAHA(: my com gets SO lag whenever i log into friendster, which is very rare. i actually recieved an email from Friendster - Friendster Misses You. can you beat that? goodness!

thank you for talking to me syu(: i guess i should just try harder not thinking about things too much yeah?

im tired. im yawning. but i SWEAR i wont be able to sleep. im gonna have BAD NIGHTMARES! oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO1! how how how?

yay! im talking to cherrie! :D :D :D

and that guy from GOAL whose picture is on viv's blog is SO CUTE PLEASE! i wanna watch GOAL now!

it's all that stupid scary show's fault. im still scared. POOTS. and sicne when do i gush like that about guys? i blame hollywood, pfft! :D

i KNOW im gonna get nightmares! NOOO :(((

goodnight!

2005-10-14T18:04:00.000+08:00

im in a GOOD mood! :D i finally went present-shopping today! very sadly, i had my brother as company, since he begged me to tag along. im just grateful that he's not so annoying now. HAHA(:

dad's bought ICE CREAM for everyone, for after dinner. YAY! i love ICE CREAM(: although it'll make me fat :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

i finally logged into Friendster after so long. i feel like closing down my account, i dont see the point in it at all.

dearest jiayi turns 15 tmr, so happy birthday to you dear! (:

my brother's bothering me for the computer, PFFTY.

2005-10-13T14:10:00.000+08:00

so now i take things TOO SERIOUSLY huh? gimme a break man, steffi. so you tell me that you DIDNT mean to call him all those things that you did. GIVE ME A BREAK. even charlotte and jiayi said the same things lah! so what now? ALL OF YOU WERE JUST KIDDING? but guess what? i didnt like the JOKE one bit.

i was right, some things are just meant to be kept to

myself.

2005-10-12T15:05:00.000+08:00

FINALLY! :D

exams are over.
mugging is over.
those latenights/early mornings spent memorising stuff is over.
the constant YAWNING is over.

i mugged till 12.45am for geog yesterday. i couldn't stop yawning! the geog paper was pretty ok i guess. it wasn't exactly EASY, but then again, none of our papers were easy at all.

dad rented 2 movies! YAY :D he rented some cute robot thing that my bro wants to watch and something else. (:

and OH JOY :D my brother has school tmr while i dont! but darn it, he's got 4 days of holidays next week cos of PSLE marking. FOUR days of holidays. i miss primary school, a LOT. the noisy lessons, the noisy classmates, the funny teachers. i miss them all(:

i planned to take a long pwoer nap to make up for all the lost sleep during the exam period. but somehow, now that the exams are over, i dont feel tired -.- besides, it only seems more worthwhile to take long naps on school days rather than holidays. haha.

ATTENTION EVERYONE! i LOVE MY NEW SKIN(: the prevoius one had too many SKINNY PEOPLE and i couldn't stand it any longer. RARH. the picture is sweet(: 2 young kids. HAHA.

and melody ng has a huge misconception. she thinks that i like bikinis, for the simple fact that 2 of my preivous skins had people in bikinis -.- i do not like bikinis. that is merely a fragment of her overactive imagination and contains no truth in it. and besdies, FAT people dont look good in bikinis! so how can i possibly like them huh? silly girl! HAHA(:

mum is FORCING me to finish my food now, after that scare this late morning. RARH. isn't it amazing how i can eat so little and yet feel and look so fat? pfftylala

it's 3.30pm now, but it feels like 5plus in the afternoon.

i need a good book. i shall pop by the library tmr :D i love reading! im dying with no good book to read now. :(

i fear this happiness of new found freedom is going to be short lived. for next monday, the return of our exam scripts mark the begining of the horrors soon to follow. by any chance and the grace of hope, i'll scrape through most of the papers. i know that failing amath and {very sad} emath is inevitable. scoring any As is almost impossible, but i'll just cross my fingers all the same.

YAWN 3.38pm yes, im tired.

i hope that tonight i shall not be provoked in lalaland, as i was last night. amusing and entertaining they may be to the listener (in this case, melody), but they provoke me in my sleep and make me wake up all irritable and moody. not a good start to a day aye?

happy short holidays to everyone! let's enjoy this very well deserved break for a few days before we have to return to our jail, run by lokeyeo and her wardens.

/shall i just pretend?

2005-10-11T14:10:00.000+08:00

i slept at 8.45pm last night, and i had a one hr nap from 6-7pm mind you! i guess those late nights or rather, early mornings have finally caught up with me. i averaged 3 hrs of sleep per day and im starting to feel the effect of that now.

i woke up this morning still really tired, but it was much needed rest all the same.

during my 8.5hr sleep, i had a very nice dream. it's queer how such nice dreams can follow after what happened in the afternoon.
it's never the words that hurt, but how their said.
it's never the act of speaking, but from who those words come from.

thankyou to viv for letting me listen to your music on the way home. i tried to study on the bus, but gave up. it wasn't because the bunch of sec 2 girls were happily noisily laughing their heads off, nor was it because the chai chee sec boys at the back were making one hell of a racket. my mind just kept drifting off .. i looked at my geog text, read the words there, but thought about other things instead.

i shouldn't be on the computer now. where has my self-restraint and control all gone? i did not come to the computer to blog about today's events, or listen to music {both of which i am currently shamelessly doing}, but to look for something on the net.

this uncanny urge to read the testimonials between them suddenly came over me. but now as i sit here typing this, i can't bring myself to log into Friendster and start reading. it's not like reading those is going to help. i KNOW it's not. im past the stage of being hurt, but yet this feeling keeps creeping over me ..

i take back what i said yesterday.
i do not hate nicholas lim.
that would be contradicting myself wouldn't it?

maybe ...
some other time perhaps.

2005-10-10T16:04:00.000+08:00

it is an understatment to say that the emaths paper was difficult. inhuman, is a far more suitable and realistic word.

mrs hoy set emath paper 1, and with the mentality that 25% of every class should fail. her paper was actually simplified by ms liu, and on the whole, far more do-able than mdm lenny's paper 2. can anyone imagine if ms liu did not have the heart to simplify our paper a little?

it is very wrong to say that i did not practice, and thus i could not manage the paper. terribly incorrect. i went for mrs hoy's remedials, looked for her during recess for some help, did questions from the textbk and the TYS. and YET, i could hardly do the paper.

it puzzles me to find that our finals year paper's standard is of such a great difference to that 2 yrs back. we practiced both the 2003 and 2004 final year paper, and i KNOW i passed with at least a B for both.

i understand if the teachers want to set a hard and challenging paper, so that we wont take this subject lightly but see the importance of practicing. but, today's paper was too much. judging by the number of people who cried and the number of brainy students who found the paper hard, i daresay that more than 1/4 of each class would fail.

i never had any interest in math, for the simple fact that i took a very long time to grasp concepts and could never apply them during the exams. but after managing to pull my grades up from a fail to an A in term 2, i had a huge boost to my non-existent confidence. i had some hope of passing finals, but every ounce of that hope has been extinguished.

mdm lenny apparently told steffi's class that doing TYS would be pointless, as it was easy compared to her paper. she told them to do "tuition work" instead. does she not know that NOT EVERYONE HAS EMATH TUITION? isnt the TEACHERS jobs to provide us with these sort of difficult questions for us to do and expose ourselves to?

mrs hoy said that our school's emath standard is just slightly harder than that of the Olevels. i hope that she was not saying that just to scare us into working harder, because i'll just give up on ever practicing for emath every again.

i cried after the exam ; not because i did not practice and i knew i was going to fail, but because i practiced so much and i know i wont do well. NOTE : i did not use the word "fail", as i am sincerely hoping against hope that i can pass ELEMENTARY math.

this exam certaintly speaks volume about our school. throughout the year, our emath tests have NEVER been this hard. do they give us easier tests so that we can score and then do badly during our terribly hard finals? if so, that is the worst approach i have ever known.

im quite certain that if we were to complain to the teachers about setting us such a hard paper, they'll scold us again for putting the blame on them and not ourselves. to them, they set hard papers but as long as we study, they should be manageable. if their term of manageable means to fail or borderline pass, than everything makes much more sense of course.

i should be studying my geog right now, doing TYSMCQs in preperation for wed's paper. most unfortunately, my over-taxed brain is fully saturated and cannot absorb anything more unless i clear my mind for more memory space.

as time goes by, i regret coming to this school more and more.
this is of no relevance.

it's hard not to let today's paper affect me. if i can't pass ELEMENTARY math, i fear i can pass much else.

my mother is currently lecturing me on how i should be doing chinese assesment or geog instead of on the com doing something "completely irrelevant" to finals. won't my dear mommy just shut her piehole and leave me alone.

im not going to go out after exams to rejoice. i see no reason to rejoice for a few days then come back to school and receive the horrors of my poor marks.

on another brighter note, lit paper was good. it was far better than emath anyhow. i choce quesitons 1a and 3. i chose poem over prose, and i hope that i made the right choice. i plead to mrs caroline loe to mark our literature elect scripts with a light heart and good nature. kindly feel free to spread the love of marks to us.

im getting stares and sarcastic irritating glance from my mother. i shall vamoosh from here before she engulfs me in another one of her lectures, which i feel i will not tolerate especially today.

i ate 3 biscuits after lunch, and now i feel like the fattest girl on this planet.

the giddy spells have arrived, and so has the urge to run to the toilet to vomit.

and nicholas lim, you dont have to be such an asshole talking to me like that you know.

someone, find me the seclusion i need.

2005-09-28T15:15:00.000+08:00

last night, i lost total control of myself.
scary.
i scare myself.

i get tired so easily, and i know i've only got myself to blame.
i had 3 hours of sleep max everyday for the whole of last week.
the amount of work we have plus studying cannot be accomplished within the 24hrs we have.

now i know why i never liked to talk about things.
it was because : i got hurt by the remarks people made. their cutting remarks, the assumptions they made. what was the point of sharing when all it did was made me feel even worse?

and so .. what do you do
when you're happy thoughts are the dark ones.

2005-09-26T17:33:00.000+08:00

the room darkens,
the clouds grow near.

the trees whisper noisily,
the leaves sweep the ground.

the sky is streaked with white,
i hear the roll of thunder
in the faraway.

starting in light drizzles,
the droplets get larger.

it starts to fall in sheets,
slanting in the direction of the wind.

the rain,
has finally come.

friends exude happiness and laughs.
this joy of being with them, seems to overshadow any form of unhappiness and worries that often clutter my mind.
i do enjoy being around them, the silly things we do, the stupid things we talk about, the daily dosages of teasing we feed each other.
and for those minutes that we share,
im truely happy.

once i step into home, there's this automatic change in me.
everything seems so negative,
so angry,
and hurtful.
i cannot help but worry.
i become sadder and grumpier.
my headaches and colds come,
the fever spells too.

it's a wonder what friends can do to you.
they are a cure of all sorts,
which works wonders.

until i next see them,
let me sew myself shut,
in this place called home.

2005-09-24T11:16:00.000+08:00

there's no consideration at all. how was i supposed to feel?

i dont think there'll ever be a definition to love.
and besides, it doesn't need one.

love is .. whaterever it is.

i dont need to know.

i've every right to be angry.

tempers fly 24/7.

as stupid as it seems.
i dont care.
as pointless as it seems too.
i dont care either.

seclusion.

i love -

2005-09-23T17:01:00.000+08:00

get well soon charlotte(:

lesson's were fine. malv lim didnt come. oh joy, i used the time to study bio. i didn't sleep at all today, finally after so many days of morning naps.

i could barely open my eyes this morning. my eyes hurt like hell. er .. cos i slept at 2.10am. gahh.

i had laksa for recess.
i had a ham sandwich and cereals at home.
and i swear never to eat laksa in another 50 years time. think ; FAT.
im getting fatter by the minute, i swear.

ooh lala. steffi and i spotted eyecandy while we were on the bus. tkss guy, she said. i can't rmb how he looks already. HAHA, someone occupies too much memory space(:

exam briefing was stupid waste of my time sick shyte. mrs william is the lamest person on earth. why the hell was she doing the talking. she was talking to us as though we were a bunch of pri school kids. c'mon lah, we've all sat for exams before. she kept referring to the sec 1s. like wth?! they just took psle last year right. STUPID.

kong almost scolded steffi, jiayi and i . then when she walked away, all 3 of us looked at each other and laughed. stupid kong.

we took 135 home, alemak. no one on the bus again. :( :( :( :(

exams are next friday.
oh-my-god.

im waiting for my phone to ring please.

my eyelids are drooping already. YAWN. 5.20pm

oh yea. im so sorry melody. i've not written your letter yet. sorry. i'll pass it to you soon yea.

this is randomness.

/superfly;
i love those shoes.

2005-09-22T18:48:00.000+08:00

im glad what happened today took place. we got mad and upset. oh well, but everything's over now(: it certaintly proves one thing, that we all care truck loads for each other(:

sch was alright today. our last period was free period! so many people were eating and studying and listening to music on their MP3s or handphones. HAHA. if mrs lim saw it, she didn't show it.

RARH. we've got so much homework! maths papers, chem papers and wkshts. YUCK YUCK YUCK.

charlotte and i took 76 home. when i got off the bus at the mrt, guess WHAT BUS I SAW behind 76. 135! ROAR. i saw some people in that uniform sitting at the bck, but i couldn't get a proper look. the stupid bus drove by too fast lah!

i woke up shivering this morning. PFFT. no air con, fan was low, and i had a blanket on me. -.-

oh yes. charlotte, you are NOT fat. nomatter WHO jokes, or says anything, you are NOT fat ok! jiayi and i will gladly help you make those who call you fat shut up. so no worries :D

strange, i can tell charlote she isn't fat but i go about bitching so often about feeling fat. keyword : FEEL fat.

alemak. i can't stop sneezing. my nose is so red now lah.

i can't help but emphasize againi can't help but emphasize again that the girls on the blog's background are SKINNY. not STICK skinny, but NICE skinny.

maybe you'd call again(:

2005-09-21T18:48:00.000+08:00

it's only wednesday, but somehow it feels like a whole week has gone by. this week's been so tiring so far. and i fear that it'll just get worse once exam gets really close.

im glad that i wrote steffi that letter. although i had absolutely no intention of making her cry, but im glad i wrote it all the same. and she wrote me a very nice letter back in reply. (:

i wonder .. is it wrong to lie? to lie to others, and to lie to yourself, is it really wrong? and i know how scary it feels when insecurities take over, it's certaintly not a nice feeling at all. the feeling of having to different opinios and feelings for things just muddles the brain and the heart. what do you do when you feel one way, but think another?

i think there will always be a certain situation that means/meant a lot to us, something we'd never forget in a long time, or maybe never. is it about putting that aside, and looking forward to other things to come.? or is it about knowing when to pursue the matter, and when not to?

you try not to make the old mistakes, but you'd never be perfect. who wants to be perfect anyway? you're bound to make new mistakes, perfectly natural i suppose.

procrastination was/is never a good thing. the thought lingers in your mind, as you contemplate when to face it. sometimes, you unknowingly make excuses for yourself just so you dont have to approach that topic. why? maybe it's fear. fear of knowing the truth, whether good or bad. fear of losing something that means something to you. fear of losing trust, friendship, or a friend.

every time i felt down {which seems to be rather often this year}, i'd always wonder what i'd do if i never had friends to turn to. sure, i have this habit of shutting up and waiting till i can't take it anymore and then explode. hmm ...

in a few years time, we'll all be looking back at the times we used to worry about so much, and just laugh about it. but until then ... shrugs.

tear my heart open,
i sew myself shut.
my weakness is,
that i cared too much.

on a brighter note, i think im finally beginning to see some light in my emaths. mrs hoy is realyl nice. she helped me solve sums the whole recess. thank you. (:

the trip to chinatown was a waste of time. we ended up in macs for a while. typical :D

and oh yes. before i forget. we've got a new vp. which school needs 3 vps? i've got 2 reasons in mind, either our principal isnt good at her job, or the vps can't cope. im for the fomer reason, and i think many people share the same thought too.

it's been a long time since i've touched the com. oh well, it's just a couple of days, but it feels like quite a while.

my cold's awful. it comes mainly at night when im studying. and then i go sniffing into the wee hours of the morning, with the tissue box as my best friend. mom's been nagging at me to sleep earlier. i do want to, but there's so much to do.

i slept at 1.45am the day before, and at 2.15am ytday. i need at least 5 cups of hot milo to get me through the night/morning. -.-

im crossing my fingers real bad. i can't wait for everything at home to be fine again.

and steffi, if it's any consolation. i love you(:

good luck to all for EOYs. for those who think they're gonna die, you've got company.

/love(:

2005-09-18T16:31:00.000+08:00

new skin, so bright and cheery. how unlike my old, black, morbid skin. so unlike me, but that's besides the point.

look at those girls in the background. skinny aye?

my head's throbbing. i think i've begun to be immune to panadol. it doesn't seem to work very well for me anymore. maybe i need something of a higher dosage? i rmb this was how claire tried to take her life, by swallowing 20 pills of panadol extra till she was in ICU for 2 weeks having her stomach pumped out.

i shall look out of my window at 10pm tonight melody(:

i woke up at 645 to study today. and until now, i've not napped. i can't afford to nap. naps means time, and time is something i do not have in excess.

eew. i just realised, when i put my mouse over the links, the colours turn to some flashy thing. yuck. but im too lazy to change anythign anyway. and sthe heading's in pink. er yuck.

you know, friends are great. i love my friends. but i think i prefer silence.

i shall use my recesses to study from now on. i never feel like eating anyway, so might as well use the time to study.

we were all talking during lunch, and suddenly the topic turned to me being stupid. how interesting. the whole family participated in this rather too enthusiasticly for my liking. i just shut up. now, who can blame me if i think im stupid. and now of all times, when im so stressed out studying, the name calling starts.

i just realised, my posts can scroll down, but not upwards. pffty.

im starting to dislike this blog, too cheery for my liking. but as some would say, if i TRIED to cheer up a bit more, i may just feel a bit HAPPIER.

what-ev-er.

2005-09-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

i've covered more chem then any other subjects. there's so much more to go. i wont be able to finish so much. it's almost impossible. this crazy spore education system is horrible. they make us study like shit. and in the end, im gonna forget almost everything.

im so tired. i've been studying the whole day. but i've only covered 3 chps of chem, 1 chp of bio and 1 chp of emaths. rarh.

i plan to sleep early tonight, and wake up early like at 630 tmr to study. it's so scary, there are so few days left to finals.

i can't stand it when people want to tell me something but they act as though they dont want to let me know. very annoying. i rather them boast then do this. anyway, either way i'll just get annoyed and stop talking.

dont tell me what to do. dont tell me what to say.
dont tell me how to feel. dont tell me how i should try to feel.
just dont do anything.

emotions run wild.
everything's a blur.
silence,
no words.
perfect.

2005-09-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

im tired. i shall retire to my room after this post.

i liked lit lesson today. i like the poem. funeral blues.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

i wore my jacket the whole day, until i had to take it off to start running for warmup.

bio was funny. we kept making fun of so many things.
trisexual - man, woman and ANIMAL :D
semi lunar valves! we were mean lah. no, VIV was mean.

i slept for 2 periods today. i need to kick this morning nap habit.

it rained in the morning. the clouds were scary. but before recess, it had stopped already. silly clouds.

i was so exasperated. fine, i understand everyone wanted to take a pic. i had to vomit, but NO. i was told to TAHAN. TAKE FIRST VOMIT LATER.

i ate dinner. so syu, please stop thinking thati m not going to eat dinner just cos i didnt eat anything else today.

call me antisocial or whatever you like, but i prefer to be alone. i dont like being around friends now, because thye're all so happy and i'd have to act happy if not they'll know smth is wrong. i dont want to tell certain things, and the remarks people make after they find out why im so down, "aiyah. just cheer up lah!". as though cheering up was the easiest thing to do.

many people saw me standing outside class throughout recess. i was asked "why you so depressed?", and "why you so loner".

maybe if i were to show my true feelings at home, i wldn't be so shut up during school. maybe it's because i pretend to be noisy at home, and i just let my real emotions show at sch. i dont know.

and to make this bloody clear. I AM NOT ON A DIET. depression on its own is a form of diet. it kills all my tastebuds, i dont taste anything, i dont want to eat anything. so please, stop throwing this shit at me. besides, if im on a diet. it's MY business isnt it.

i feel left out. but i know im asking for it. so im not complaining.

trng was nice, but i hated almost every minute of it. i dont recall feeling so weak at trng before. i was scared, my head was swimming as i was doing shooting. weirdest feeling.

melody ; it's ok.
syu ; cheerios. thing's may not be so bad aye.

my mouth's gone on a vacation and wont be back till i dontknowwhen.

i dont wish anymore. things dont come true for me.

gastric's finally gone, at 9.47pm. i feel so much better.

the stars aren't wanted anymore,
put them out.

im gonna explode.

nice words kill.

2005-09-15T17:24:00.000+08:00

today's thursday. tmr's friday, then it's the weekend. i can't wait for this week to be over, all though i dont want our EOYs to arrive here so fast.
i can't wait for school to end, for the days to pass.

i slept during lit today. unintentionally. sometimes i sleep because of boredom. but today, my head was just resting on my arm, then before i knew it, i was in lalaland. most of the times when i sleep in class, i know what happen around me, but today it was deep slumber.

mrs lim caught me sleeping and called out my name. i thought i heard a tinge of exasperation, i was the 2nd girl she caught napping. i looked up at her, and went back to sleep. i slept at 11.30pm, and yet i was so tired. PFFT. anyway, when i woke up i thought it was AFTERNOON. terrible. i got totally disorientated. it was still 9smth in the morning!

that 40minute nap did me good, i remained awake for the rest of the day(:

we played softball for pe. hilarious. the sun was hot hot hot.

i was forced by jnr melody to eat recess. i got annoyed by her incessant bugging to get smth to eat, i decided to get my fat butt off the cantten bench and towards the stalls.

i've got a sore throat. and i got another lecture from mum for not telling her about my sore throat. my voice came out all funny and awful when i tried to talk to michael. that's how she found out.

have i mentioned what a killer the chinese paper is gonna be? it's always been a killer for me, but i think this new version is going to be a slow painful death. 5 compres, 3 of which are MCQ and the other 2 are open ended. and a 20mark cloze passage. 1.5hrs for all that. bless me.

this school's crazy. we're going to chinatown next wed for a chinese excursion when our first paper is on the 30th of this month. and how is going to chinatown supposed to improve my comprehension/cloze passage/writing skills for chinese?

we're presenting our ss project tmr. and we just started today? typical.

sore throat. ee, it hurts like hell.

HMM. guess who called. or rather, who got her to call me. no prizes for guessing. and he wanted to chat, 2.5wks from the finals. CRAZY.

im gonna be up late all night studying. there goes my sleep again.

run faraway to where you'll be safe.
hide, dont come out.
nowhere's safe.
dont cry.

2005-09-14T13:16:00.000+08:00

i've got so much to say, i dont really know where to start.

i can only say thankyou over and over again for those who seem to have a never ending patience in telling me im not fat, namely syu and steffi.

elizabeth. helo. i knew you read my blog, but i certaintly did not expect a flood of tags from you. (:
maybe just from reading my posts, it seems like im not eating BECAUSE i think im fat. contrary to that, im dont feel like eating because of other things that have been happening around me. these issues got me upset, worried, some say depressed, sometimes quiet, made me cry often enough and as a result i simply did not feel like eating.
i do know that i require food for energy and i do make an effort to eat. i admit my food portions have shrunk to less then half a plate of rice for dinner, but nonetheless, i eat so little NOT because i think im fat. how much or how little i eat is directly affected by the problems im faced with.

FAT. believe me, i do try not to think that im fat. i know it sounds silly if i were to say, i can't help it. i just feel im fat. but sometimes, that is the case. if you were a sibling of mine, staying at the same home and sharing the same family members and situations at home, i do think you'd be able to understand me a little better. believe it or not, my parents have said i was fat ever since i could remember. not fat as in overweight, but fat as in i seemed chunky to them in certain areass.

it would be hard for my friends to love me for who i am, if they haven't seen the real me in ages.

take this for example. in class today, we were given a sheet of paper with all sorts of adjectives descirbing ourselves. we were supposed to make a list with the words that described us in jan 05 and now. it was supposed to show us whether we've changed throughout the year or not.

my friends went down the list, and picked out the word "quiet". now anyone in their right mind, would know im far from it. but that's what they've come to know me as.

if i were to be myself around my friends, wanna bet how many people would talk about me behind my back describing me as a girl who cries so often and is always looking damn depressed. furthur more, im very sure that they would go to the extent of saying that im seeking attention. tkgs, most unfortunately, is filled with these sort of ppl.

who likes to hang out with a girl who's looking so depressed and cries have the time? think about it, who? even if initally they do lend a listening ear, later on they become tired of it.

after school ended, someone asked me whether i was ok. why did she ask that? because she realised that i always looked tired, kept falling asleep in class, depressed. i was surprised for a moment, but somehow glad that she asked.

some think im crazy, calling myself fat. others compare themselves to me, telling me that im definitely not fat compared to them. i really dont know what to say. i just FEEL fat. and true, as samuel said, it maybe a figment of my imagination. i dont know.

sometimes, there are so many negative thoughts running through my head. i feel like it's going to burst. sometimes, i dont know whether things are really that bad, or am i just imagining it. and please no one tell me that it's just my imagination running wild for the sake of comforting me. certain things, ARE really bad.

my friend said that im a fretting queen. maybe i am. until now, im still thinking about that and i dont know what to think of it.

even if i dont hide myself from my friends, i still do from my parents. guess what. when im down, and i keep quiet at home, i get lectured by BOTH parents for having a ATTITUDE PROBLEM. thus, i'd much rather have the mask on, then off.

another friend, mentioned to me she felt replaced by another girl, in her clique. i've felt that way before.

this fuzzy computer screen in sch is make my head spin. i think i've said enough.

thank you elizabeth.

2005-09-13T16:54:00.000+08:00

and so i dreamt, i had 3 cans of ice lemon tea while picking seashells. iput the seashells i picked into a FISHBOWL. a glass fishbowl that was half filled with water. then i decided to put the bowl down, and starting running along the shore. i dont know how i could run so fast, but i know i kept running on and on and until i rmbered i left my seashells behind so i turned around and ran back. and from a distance i saw someone looking at my seashells in the fishbowl. and this person said " eh, fishbowls are meant for FISH" samuel oh. that was you. poot.

i just popped a panadol. my headache's bad bad bad. it feels like my head's gonna burst.

bio is tiring. we had 2 periods of it today. and i can't do this chp of emaths at all. i haven't solved a single sum on my own yet. im definitely attending remedial. hopefully, mrs hoy still can save me.

mr ang almost knocked me down while driving today. pfft.

can sugared peanuts make me fat? i had some during lesson from naad.

mom wants me to go to the doc after dinner. she scolded me for falling sick and wasting money EVEN THOUGH i said i dont have to go to the doc.

thanks. blame me. it wont make a diff. ive been blame for all sorts for so long already anyway.

screw this place called home. goodbye.

2005-09-12T21:42:00.000+08:00

i've got a bad cold. i sneezed 5 times at 5.45AM. i felt like sneezing the whole day at school, but the sneeze wouldn't come.

i hardly think why i cry is ANY of my mothere's business. even IF it is her business, i dont want to tell her.

how's this. i dont want to talk.

im very sorry syu. im very very sorry. i feel so bad. you wanted to know so badly what was wrong with me. you followed me down to the 2nd level, even though your friends were still busy in my class. im so sorry syu. it's not that i dont want to tell you. i've not told anyone. i just really dont feel like speaking.

and steffi, im sorry for not being able to go over your place. i think you know that im not allowed to go out during school term, no matter what's the public holiday. im sorry. but even if i could, i really wouldn't want to. im sorry ok. i just dont feel like going anywhere. im sorry. it's not that i dont want to go to your house and have fun with your family and friend, it's just that i dont feel like going out, im sorry.

everything's riverting back to the previous terms ; when i cldn't sleep at night, spent a long time tossing and turning.

i woke up at 1.45am this early morning. i dont know why. i spent the next 35 mins staring at my ceiling fan, seeing how the blades turn.

i hate this. i can't wait for all this to be over. i can't wait. more then anythign else right now, i want this to be over. soon. please. please.

according to my mom, i shuold be grateful that i have food for dinner, instead of putting back half of the rice she gives me into the rice cooker everynight just because im not hungry. she then proceeded to tell me how lucky i was, compared to those children in 3rd world countries.

someone tell me, what the heck can i do if i just dont feel like eating. it's not my bloody fualt alright.

and yes i admit, i do think im fat. so what. my whole life everyone in the family compared me to my cousins.
"rachel was such a fat chubby baby. look at her thighs, so much bigger then her cousins"
and that was during CNY.
im so sick and tired of hearing all this. im not allowed to call my brother "skinny" but he's allowed to call me "fat".

even my mom and dad have said that i've got BIG legs. oh and my brother went on to tease, "yea and a fat butt too!".

so there you have it. samuel, fat is not a fragment of my imganation. it's me. i am fat.

i dont know why i included the "fat" part to this post. everything just came out.

so i shall get my big fat ass and legs of the com chair, and go pack my bag.

i'll cry myself a river. goodbye.

2005-09-11T14:59:00.000+08:00

this week's gone by fast. too fast.

i had the worst diarrhoea late last night, and sore eyes too. what a weird combination. thankfully, im all better now.

my mom keeps watching me during meals. she claims i eat too little. every night, i hear the same ole' thing from her. " i give you SO little rice, but yet you STILL dont finish " and everytime i say that ive no appetite in defense. it seems that after using that same line so often, she's starting not to believe me now.
my dad keeps joking that my mind's somewhere else because i seem so preoccupied.

ok, new conclusion. no matter how much/little i eat, i still feel fat. this is such a hopeless situation. ROAR.

ss presentation's due TUESDAY. and none of us know even which quesiton we've gotta do.
i've still gotta do that amaths wksht.
my bag's gna be so heavy tmr, since most of my books are at home with me.

to all : im fine, dont worry.

i knew something was gonna happen, or IS gonna happen. i know something will. just a hunch.

i lie to myself almost everyday. and im not proud of it.

i tell myself the phone call's gonna come soon. then mum will be in a better mood, then everything will be better for everyone. yea, that's a lie.

i want to run so bad. but i've got NO shoes. i need to get bball shoes soon, they're giving me blisters cos they're getting old. i'll wait till the next hols then.

and let me specify, i want to run ALONE.

cry me a river, good bye.

2005-09-10T17:44:00.000+08:00

my mom thinks i waste money, waste food, waste clothes. that's about everything right. she might as well add in and say im a waste of space in this flat.

i dont think anyone's realised, but i really dont like borrowing money. even if it's less then a dollar, i just dont like it. it makes me feel worse then i already feel.

i hope steffi had a good time at ecp blading with jiayi and charlotte. she was calling me an idiot for not going, but osrry girl, there's no way im going. thanks for the invite though.

im not gonna save up for things that i WANT anymore. it's just gonna make mom have more reasons for saying that i waste money that we need so badly. i'll just give her back all the money i saved up during the hols, for her to use then.

isn't it good, that i dont feel like eating nowadays? save money, and save me from feeling bad from eating.

i think i've confused the feeling of being FULL after a meal, and being FAT. it's not my fault that im purposely being obsessedwith my weight ok. everytime i have a nice full meal, i immediately regret after that, and i feel absolutely fat.

in a way, im looking forward to school. school means skipping recess cos there's somuch work, and sometimes missing lunches too. next wk's gonna be the last week of trng till the exams are over, how on earth am i gonna keep those calories off?

im sorry for those who can't stand it everytime i mention that i feel fat. im truly sorry.

i know steffi gets annoyed. i dont blame her. i think samuel got a little annoyed too, im not surprised.

if it's any improvement, did any one notice that i didn't mention anyhting to do with being fat or my weight in the last 2 posts? i controlled myself. and now, im just letting go, i can't just keep everythign within me.

my mother thinks that my clothes are a waste, because i can't fit into them. doesn't she know that people grow?

last time everytime something major happened at home, i would call steffi. i'd cry buckets over the phone, and talk to her until i felt much better. sometimes, i'd spill some stuff to samuel as well. now, i dont want to do either.

thanks for all the hints melody. i've finally guessed it after 8 days aye(: and thanks for the gift again, now that i know why you gave that to me. thanks, it was nice of you (: <3love, see you around(:

i need tissue. goodbye.

2005-09-08T14:34:00.000+08:00

this is sad. it's already thursday, we've gotta get back to school so soon.

AND i just rmbered about our SS project. the due date's week ONE of next term. i can only rmb that viv & edna are in the same group as i. marvellous.

i ought to be studying.

i just looked at the exam schedule again. it's crazy. there are 2 days when we have to take 3 papers in one day eg. eng paper 1, eng paper 2 and ss. it's scientifically proven that the brain works best at max 1hr at a stretch. and look what they're doing to us.

i think my english is going down the tubes. i've hardly seen an A for any of my english assignments this year. how disappointing. and isn't ironical, to think that my maths was absolutely my worst subject in primary school, it's now my best. but on the other hand, that also goes to show that my results are really bad.

finals are in 3 weeks. it's panick time.
if i can pass every single subject, i'll jump for joy.

BIO's giving me a big big headache. there's so much to learn, i dont know where to start. bio may be an interesting subject, but certaintly not one to STUDY.

everytime i get too tired from mugging bio, i always wonder what i'd be like if i took physics instead. im not saying that physics is easier, but i do know for a fact that there's definitely less to mug. i'd be in a different class with different classmates, that goes without saying.

i'd no longer be in the class that's prolly the noisiest one in the level. i certaintly wont having the luxury of visiting the toilet after every period just to be 5 mins late for class. i wldn't be in a class with so many late comers, or fail class cleanliness so many times. and since 3e7 won top for xc, i wldn be in the class that won it if i took physics either.

since im stuck taking bio, i might as well enjoy the perks that comes with being in 3e7. the noise, the laughter, the dirtyness, the sweets, the snacks, the passing up of hmwk very late, frequent visits to the toilet and the PEOPLE who make the noise :D

i dont know why i suddenly wrote all that.

off to bio then(:

2005-09-07T16:41:00.000+08:00

im sunburnt, even though there was hardly any sun at all during trng today.
my shoulder is still VERY burnt, it hurts so bad.

SMART melody. stuuuuupiiiid :D
more clues please?

quite a few ppl were absent from trng today, hmm. i had lunch with jx and melody at parkway. i had the YUMMY horfun, and my tshirt was happily decorated with the gravy! :D

i fell asleep on train, on the way home. i seem to be able tofall into such deep sleep so quickly, of late. and i know i had a really really really nice dream, BUT i can't rmb it! :(

i ate a LOT today. oh PFFFTY.

the cold hard reality is never nice. it hurt to hear the word, broke.
it hurt so, so bad.

so many reasons contribute to why i like the song.
(:

interesting dream i had last night.
i was sleeping on the higher hammock sipping ICE LEMON TEA!

im tired, i should be.

2005-09-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

i feel so much better. i spilled so much out in that email.

i need to get some work done, seriously. i've not done my compre AND my compo. and malvina lim's gna collect all this tmr? oh pfffty. i REALLY sont want to write the compo, i dont even know WHICH topic to choose!

im STILL sunburnt. my nose hurts so bad, esp when i sneeze! the skin HURTS when i wrinkle my nose! OW OW OW.

would mrs lim really go about calling up people's parents? is she THAT free? i took a look at her locker ytday when i put my lit file in, oh PLEASE, there wasn't much inside. i dont mind doing my compre, but PLEASE not the compo!

ee. my shoulder's hurt too. stupid stupid sun.

i feel like some shrivelled up THING.

how how how? oh, and i need to get started on some maths too. im never gonna get all this studying done in time. ROAR.

i think i may have turned a slightly darker shade of brown.

my stomah just GROWLED! ok, shall go find something to EAT.
{see samuel! i EAT ok}

unbelievable, but im much happier now :D

toodles, love(:

2005-09-05T18:49:00.000+08:00

im terribly sunburnt, both my arms and my face. my face hurts so bad. my arms have this bad tanline now, jus cos we trained in jersey. oh pffty.

i just had a 3 hr nap. it was good.
dreamless, just good ol' sleep.

i dont want to go to school alone. i dont want to be awoken by a dunman high guy, asking for my number. seriously, where's the manners. i was sleeping!

im struggling during trngs. i dont like that.
but, it was alright i suppose.
shrugs.

shufang called me "chopsticks", and amanda called me "toothpick"
why must i be associated to some object placed in people's mouth?

syu pulled that pathetic look, and forced me to help her eat some twisties. i succumbed, and mouthed 10 pieces.
10 yellow squiggly pieces of SALT/FAT.
why do people want to make me grow fatTER?

i think i gave syu a scare on the way back, when i told her i suddenly felt like crying. im sorry syu.

i dont know why it's such a big deal to me. i dont know why there's such a huge impact on me. oh well ... sigh.

jack&jill(:
i want to talk so badly.

sigh ..

2005-09-04T10:54:00.000+08:00

i decided to give it a shot.
how bad could it be,
i thought.

went with DAD.

but guess what,
it was worse then the last time.
which was, 3 years ago.

i dont know what happened to me,
horrible.

i couldn't breathe,
i couldn't move.
everything hurt,
even though it was slow.

i did finish,
i just cried at the end.

i bent over,
gasping and crying,
for another 10mins.

i didn't say a word during dinner,
except for "pass the salad"

i fnished dinner first,
i ate so little anyway,
could've finished the rice in 3 spoons,
but i made it last 4.

i went to bed straight after dinner,
intending to read my book,
but ended up not.

maybe it was the disappointment,
that made me cry.

i thought after 3 years,
it should've been alright.

how could i have screwed up on something so slow,
i still really have no clue.

i struggled for more then half.
really struggled.

maybe this time,
after another 5 years,
i'll feel brave enough to try again.

i want to talk to samuel.
too bad he's not online.

forget it.

2005-09-03T13:38:00.000+08:00

it was such a rainy day ytday. i pai attn during class for ONCE, on the last day of school -.- it scares me, to think the the finals are SO near. we got our exam schedule and the first paper's on 30 sept. we got back progress reports too. results ain't good, they NEVER are. oh well.

we had team talk till about 4pm. NO COMMENTS.

we did pt in the canteen! it was SUPER fun. it was riany and all, but superly humid in the canteen. everyone's tshirts/shorts/hair was soaked. my sweat kept dripping off my hair onto my neck. EEW. we did the WHEELBARROW and PIGGYBACK! i partnered with jx for almost all the drills. i know i screamed loads when she was carrying me, and SHE screamed a LOT too lah!

i had so much trouble carrying all my stuff home. syu helped me put my 2 geog bks into my SHOE bag. i used her towel to cover my amaths book and the box, so they wldn't get wet. there was no way i cld go up the overheadbridge to take the mrt with all that stuff, so we took a bus. we TALKED so much, and ATE CHIPS.

NO MORE CHIPS FOR ME. WTH WAS I THINKING, EATING CHIPS AFTER TRNG. im gna get fatTER shucks.

i fell asleep on the sofa at 8.45pm, and then the PHONE rang! haha, after that i felt SO awake -.- retarded.

im aching everywhere. ouch ouch ouch.

THANKS melody, and btw, i've still not figured out the reason ok!

it just rained again :D
time to go for a run later :D

it's SATURDAY today. i wonder whether he's gna call AGAIN. half of me hopes so, the other hopes NOT.

/ tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

...

2005-09-01T20:18:00.000+08:00

i did NOT do eng compo.
i did NOT do eng compres.
i did NOT do the brochure on egypt.
i did NOT file lit.

i DID study 3 chps of chem :D

im wearing green socks for trng tmr. my nice nice green socks. my new new socks. i bought 4pairs for $10. green, yellow, blue, purple socks.

i guess that's really important then, so GO.

my dear cousin GRACE ONG, was in urban today. on the page about the uni students who dont dress up for school. NONSENSE, she looked good in her shorts.

im not ready for school tmr. im not ready for progress reports. i want to fall sick tmr, skip school and trng.

i want to compose an email, but i dont know what to say.

i still feel tired, not sleepy, and i know no large amount of sleeping will make me feel better.

i typed a sentence, but deleted it all.

this is a waste of a post. it's a stupid waste of random bullshit.

im a waste.

/i tear my heart open, and sew myself shut

goodnight and goodBYE.

2005-08-31T21:21:00.000+08:00

happy teachers' day :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIAXIN! <33

steffi and i took mrt with joanne today. thanks to her 8 lime mag that we were so abosrbed in, we missed the PAYA LEBAR stop! we ended up in Aljunied. HAHA.

ACES day wasn't SO bad afterall. sports/vice sports didnt have oto lead the classes! GOOD, cos i didnt know the steps. everyone was just watching dharsh throughout the whole thing lar. WHY on earth is she so super enthu -.-

class party was pathetic. little food, but it was good though. I MUST GO ON DIET. i ate SO much today. PFFFFTY.

steffi's class had extra chocolate cake. so we went around, forcing teachers to take a slice each! and THEY complained about how fat they were gna get, how much food they've eaten already.

the concert wasn't too bad. the dance items were ok, though the 2nd item's custume was rather freaky. and viv had to remind me it was the 7th month. the mcs were funny, so that made the 1.5hrs in the hall more tolerable. there's this item, whereby two girls sang on stage.

OMG LAH! to think that one of them is from choir! even my BROTHER can sing better then that. she missed so many notes, her pitch was off more then a couple of times. saachi was downing Mirinda, as though she wanted to drown her sorrows. i followed suuit, and almost SPAT out my drink, when the girl sang exceptionally poorly at one point. haha, viv looked SO funny trying to calm me down lah!

one class of ex snrs actually bothered to come down and perform. they sang a song they composed themselves, it was very similar to the one they sang before, but it was so sweet of them! zhuanglaoshi came back! oh YAY(:

i tolerated so many comments about my hair today.

i went out with steffi after that. we had lunch, and walked a LOT. i bought 4 pairs of socks :D, and 2 new hairbands :D we went cycling at pasir ris park in the afternoon. her bike's padlock had to be SAWED open since her key won't work. LOL. we must've cycled EVERYWHERE lah! my butt prolly took the shape of the seat. i SCREMED a LOT. i almost fell twice, i lost control of my bike once and almost gave both steffi and i heart attacks.

we were mad, as usual. we did our fair share of screaming, but i screamed way more of cos. we laughed like MAD, and talked a whole lot obvoiusly.

im very tired. YAWN .

i didn't study ANYTHING tonight. ROAR. i feel so unaccomplished. i MUST study tmr. MUST MUST MUST.

im very very TIRED. YAWN.

alright, im convinced the YAWN theory works! :D

LALALAND, here i come. let me dream up something interesting(:

goodnight, you(:

2005-08-30T07:08:00.000+08:00

alright, i cut my hair. and it turned out pretty weird. i've had my fair share of bad hair cuts, and this ain't so bad. so, i'll just be thankful that hair GROWS :D kindly do not poke fun at me or laugh, thankyou.

i FINALLY changed my skin. and im so proud of myself! i managed to get my cbox again after i copied the wrong thing, and didn't save my old skin -.- ah well, all's fine now.

i LOVED amath spring today. because i PASSED! oh jolly, TRY to feel happy for me at least.

half day for school tmr, im not looking forward to ACES. with this hair, i've gotta lead people to do some spastic movements, which i dont know how to do.

i want more hairbands. since i've gotta wear hairbands now with my short hair, or else i look like a GUY with a bad hair cut. bring them on, give me PINK and i'll wear it. im THAT desperate, but PLEASE no hot pink.

to JACK, the rest below should make sense(:

pfftylala rubbages sausages absoloodle holy lord god almighty :D {i hope i got that right}

the dream :
the roads there weren't black. they were yellow. like the yellowbrick road in the WIZARD of OZ! there were MANY CHERRIE TREES, and MANY rows of shops selling NOODLES! XD the border of the TWO LANDS, was divided by a pretty long WALL, with people SITTING on TOP!

then, my ALARM CLOCK RANG, just as i heard someone call me -.-

jack&jill!(:

2005-08-29T18:41:00.000+08:00

tuition's cancelled, im overjoyed.

im so sick of practicing functions, please let tmr's quiz be easy.

im dreading ACES day, VERY MUCH.

point to note to myself : dont bother trying to see too much into things. dont bother setting expectations for things you know that you wont achieve, in the near future. the more expectatiosn you set yourself, the more you let yourself down. ironic how ppl say, the higher you aim, the lower you fall. {or smth like that} i seem to fall FLAT nomatter how high {or low} i aim.

today was the last day that ms soh taught us chem! how SAD is that :'( she's such a nice teacher. the FIRST nie trainee i've seen who can actually control the class AND teach WELL. she's good! i rmb in p5 back in kcp, we had this trainee teacher for maths. she had such a mad experience teaching us {poor thing}, the decided to quit teaching and went to do engineering. HAHH. LOSER -.-

im hungry >.<"

2005-08-28T15:51:00.000+08:00

let me just admit it. IM VERY JEALOUS. but NVM, im keeping my mouth SHUT SHUT SHUT.

im dreading school. it's the last week of the TERM, that means PROGRESS REPORTS.

i feel like going out on wed, since it's a short day at school. hmmm ...

im dreading tuition, like i do EVERY WEEK.

i like reading books;
cos i can get LOST in them(:

/bloody predictable y'know

2005-08-27T18:36:00.000+08:00

i ate ice cream after a very filling lunch. RAHHH. ice cream, a terribly sinful delight. it tastes SO GOOD, but it's actually just FAT. PFFFFTY.

i've got a HUGE problem : i can't concentrate, i can't focus. i've been trying to practice functoins the whole afternoon, and i haven't even finished Ex 9.1 -.- my mind wanders easily. TSK. after a few questions, i'll start thinking about other things .. and erm .. other people. THIS IS NOT GOOD!

i borrowed a whole lot of books from the library just now. on the way there, all of a sudden a whole FLOCK OF PIGEONS chose to terrorise me at that moment. OMG, i ALMOST screamed ok! then on the way back, this cat suddenly DASHED across the road and gave me such a fright! and i heard someone SINGING real terribly&loudly. NOISE POLLUTION lah!

i wanted to start studying on bio&chem this weekend. im predicting that im hardly gonna get anything done. sigh. WTF.

i can only study when im panic-induced. and that's BAD BAD BAD.

WHO just called me again? the same person who calls quite frequently for the past few Saturdays. oh well.

/how do i say i like you, again

2005-08-26T21:34:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO :D today's a HAPPY HAPPY day :D

i got 6th for XC in the level :D :D
3/7 won 1ST amongst the other classes! that was SO unexpected! :D :D
and we got top 2 for Zany Green Parade! :D :D

we were all SO nervous before the run! saachi & yasmin were SO late, but luckily they were still allowed to run(: READY, ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO! ms yong started our race. everyone just sped to the front. i was quite far back, got quite a scare. i can't help starting slow, im just so so slow at the starting. the timing was 7:20mins at the halfway mark, and since the 2nd lap going back was even faster, i guess it's slightly under 14:40mins :D

this year they hung a big black banner with yellow words "FINISH". i was SO happy when i saw the banner! HAHA. then i heard people screaming my name. HAHAHA. it was linyi, fawn, jozette that group :D thankyou so much(:

YAY :D bballers did well today too! we all clinched relatively good places for most levels :D

our class average was 117 points :D we thought we may have a chance to get 3RD for fastest classes, but ended up with 1ST! what a HUGE surprise!

zany parade was GOOD GOOD GOOD. everyone looked quite scary though, dressed in bathrobes with stickyicky stuff on their faces. HAHA. everyone put so much effort into it(: we put sak into the "bathtub"! how many teachers laughed when they saw our class's performance, haha, countless. we had so many stares from those guys running lah. -.-

:D im so happy, got to bring home TWO medals today! :D :D

luckily steffi's dad gave me a lift home, if not i'd have DIED on the way back lah. i was lalready SO tired! and my hamstring was getting so painful. thankyou!

ppppfffft! my hamstring's hurting, as though it's telling me "this is the pain you deserve for running when im injured!" HAHA, ok nonsense!

ROAR. i didnt see who i wanted to see :( but NVM, im too happy to bother much.

i dont know what's this im feeling. i hate this feeling lah. the feeling of feeling something but not being able to know what im feeling. how terribly retarded and stupid is that. even if i DO figure it out, i dont want to admit. at least, not now(:

im bloody tired now.

/i want another nice dream(:

2005-08-25T17:29:00.000+08:00

OMG. HOW COULD I FORGET THAT!

a CERTAIN group of people will be having a CERTAIN gathering/celebrations at ECP tmr, while we are having our xc. and because of a CERTAIN someone who's in that CERTAIN group of people, im quite most CERTAINTLY not gonna be concentrating on the run at all.

on the other hand, maybe that's gonna motivate me to run FASTER :D

2005-08-25T16:01:00.000+08:00

hmms, mom said george foo is in the newpaper! she started reminding me about my kindergarten days with george and mark as my classmates. :D HAHA, kindergarten was fun, even though the principal was my AUNTY!

i still rmb my close friends well, there was george, mark, nicole, cherri. we 4 used to chase each other around and play catching in the playground. FUNNNN :D oh! i rmb i nicole and i always teased each other about liking mark -.- lols.

after we graduated from kindergarte, i rmb there was once i was having lunch with my mom and bro at home. then suddenly the phone rang, and my picked the up the phone. it was george, asking me wether i could go to ST. GABRIEL'S PRI cos he was going there. HAHAHAHAHA. and i actually asked my mom whether i could! lols. then my mom told me it was an all-boys sch, so i cldn.oh yea, i rmb she took the phone from me and spoke to george and explained to him that i cldn go there cos it was all boys and all, and then she told me he was so sad on the phone. HAHA, all that at the age of 5? HOW CUTE IS THAT?!

and my mom was talking to me about all that i've just mentioned above, just because he's appeared in the papers AGAIN. this time a whole article on him. pro golfer, he (:

im aching from gym. there's this funny part of my arm that's quite sore, and there's this weird spot in my right leg that hurts when i walk.

i dont want to go for xc. talking abou lack of MOTIVATION, i've also got the lack of STAMINA. PFFFFT.

i've decided to run i school shoes, my old pair with holes.

i missed aces day routine again! :D the minute mdm lee said that people could go down to pace the runners, a whole bunch of us rushed down. HAHA. and the sec 2s are so bloody impatient, they asked me for the girls timing when the girl was like another 10secs away from the line lah please.

im addicted to the clap clap game! so fun! i know it's VERY childish, but nvm :D

i've slacked for the 3RD chem lesson in a row. VERY good luck to me.

PLEASE let the weather be good tmr. PLEASE PLEASE let it rain. let us run in a drizzle, PLEASE.

I MISSED BUS 135 AGAIN. AND TODAY'S THURSDAY. ok, im bloody miserable because of that. ah nvm, i'll just sit by the phone and WAIT FOR THE PHONE TO RING.

ugh, my stomach hurts again.

AH! i know what there is to look forward to, next year's sports day HEATS. no prizes for guessing why. :D

it's not right. i dont feel hungry anymore. i've actually forgotten what hunger pangs and gastric feels like. vomitted again in school, yuck.

ARE OREOS CAPABLE OF MAKING ME FAT? :(

/beaten

2005-08-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

i had such a weird dream. it was broken up into 3 different parts. the email one ... that's gotta be the weirdest. it was nice i suppose, made me smile in my dream. i dont want to try and intepret anymore. scary.

let's label this girl in class, N. alright, porlly everyone knows that our class doesnt have good runners. we're not full of psorts people anyway. N was telling this other girl, " WE REALLY NEED TO WIN THE ZANY PARADE, COS IT'S LIKE OUR CLASS RUNNERS ARH .. YAH .. " then she went on talking about all the other good runners in the level who can do 2.4km in 10mins+. she was counting all of them, and saying that we'd never get any of the top 10 places cos our class can't run. BTW, she's a RUNNER as well.

so maybe she doesn't care about the run her self. or she doesn't care much abou the class either it seems. she KNEW i was one of the runners. if she's got nothing better else to say, why the heck can't she just SHUT HER STUPID MOUTH. it's not very encouraging, to hear her say smoething like that 2 days before the xc.

i've already had no mood to run xc, what more after hearing that remark. SURE, tell me not to care about others. it's not that easy. there's no one in class whom i can run the whole race with. there's no one who can pace me for the whole race, which would make running this xc a LOT easier.

the whole class's gonna be busy with the Zany parade. no one's gonna care how badly our class has done. if im not mistakne, prizes are gonna be given to the top 6 (out of 10) runners per class. WHAT'S THE USE?!

i dont see what's the use of me bineg vice capt in the team. afterall, coach doesn't even regard me as one. all the instructions, she only tells mf. when i PURPOSELY go to listen to what the instructions are, she doesn't even look at me. doesnt even notice im there prolly. im non existeant aren't i? i've often contemplated with resigning from vice capt. but then, i've not. maybe im selfish, i like the position too much. or maybe .. i dunnoe what else.

syu said that she wants to quit, again. i dont know what to do. im not pissed with her, how can i be. i was never pissed with those who quit. i was just very, tremendously frustrated. amanda may just quit if syu decides to quit too. and that leaves me & mf for the sec 3s?! me & mf do NOT go. she hardly even talks to me. well no matter what, syu, it's your decision, and i'll always respect it.

there are these VERY irritating sales people who and i was rushing home. then suddenly this short man, who spoke funny approached me.

/START
irritating sales person : er miss? how was your day?
me : walks to the lft
irritating sale person : walks to the lft
me : walks to the right
irritating sales person : walks to the right, er miss? so .. how was your day?
me : it was good, till you asked me that question

/END

ain't it quite sad that 2 out of 3 of my msn conveersations were started were started because of my msn nick? and they both started the same way too, "who's ignoring you".

alright, so pardon me if you think im being such a bitch and all, because today's not one of those days that im gonna bother.

my face is burnt.i dont care. i feel as though my heart/brain has been burnt as well.

i've been overtaken, in the race of friendship.

/i dont need a resignation to resign.

2005-08-22T16:34:00.000+08:00

i feel like vommiting AGAIN. eew. i skipped recess again, and ended up vomitting 2 hrs ltr. clever steffi concluded that it's BCOS i DONT eat, that's why i VOMIT. funny thing is, i cldn't vomit any FOOD out, bcos i hadn't consumed any! what came out of my mouth was erm .. some liquid that was prolly gastric juices since it tasted damn SOUR.

stupid shyte. i had no appetite for lunch, but mom thought i was trying to skip a meal for no reason. so no choice, i jus ate it all up. i feel so bloated/full/sick now.

ms yong flared up during bio lab period today. she's DAMN SCARY lah! omg, her face was so red. freaky.

i told my mom i got 35.9 for bio. she raised an eyebrow and stared at me. and then went back to whatever she was doing, muttering something to herself. PHEW. shucks, but i still think im in deeep shit when my progress report comes out. 2 subjects FAIL. DIE DIE DIE :(

i finally found a VERY nice book to read. it isn't that kind of teenage romantic shit ok. it isn't that kind of actionpacked/cannotputdownthebook kind of thing, it doesn't make me rush through it like some bullet train. it's superly nice(: it's called intepreting maladies, some old book of my dad's that i found in the cupboards(:

mrs hoy was damn funny lah. i asked her whether she was going to teach 1/3 after our class, then she said yes and asked why. so i told her i may want her to pass something for me. i didn't even say to who lah! and then she went " you think im your what? your pigeon is it?" i almost burst out laughing! im sure she's referring to those kind of delivery/ancient times pigeons. HAHA, but the fact that i've got this stupid phobia of pigeons. AIYOH. everything said together was just damn funny lah. then after lesson i passed her what i wanted her to help me deliver. then she said she shld charge $55 for delivery?! i HEARD her say $55, maybe i was mistaken. crazy mrs hoy. haha.

tuition's tmr instead of today. RAHHH. i hate chem tuition please. i dont know how to do everything!

i want to read more jack&jill comics(:

/pukepukepuke :(

2005-08-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

it wasn't like the 2 other calls, both on saturday with dreams as prior warnings.

this time the call came at 6.40pm. he took a gamble calling me, he said. no, this time it wasn't about her. like the past 2 long phone calls had been. this time, you felt like talking to someone, but she was having her dinner.

so i was someone's substitute, AGAIN.

we talked about school, complained about hmwk/tests, CCA, the usual :D how different this was from the other calls, all about HER HER HER.

the call was short, a measly 20mins. but it was a nice call really(:

alright, haha.
i guess i still feel the same way(:

2005-08-21T16:15:00.000+08:00

ROAR. i got invaded at lalaland. REALLY stupid dream lah! i woke up so annoyed at having my nap ruined, and being really puzzled why i'd ever dream of such a thing. i cldn't go back to sleep, so i decided to get up. and guess what? i got HUNGRY again -.-

RAHH. it REALLY frustrates me! i SLEEEEEP & EAAAAAT all day. and i can't go for a run or smth thanks to my knee, so i'll just get fatter then i already am. WONDERFUL.

i noticed something ; im always injured around this time of the year. last year was my stress fracutre, this year it's my knee. although it's not as serous as last year, it still hurts when i run. :"( and once again, im gonna run xc with no trng, and im just gonna DIE. PFFFFT! ok, maybe not exactly die, since i can constantly run throughout 3km, but not fast enough to get any good position for our poor class.

the dumbest thing is, xc is AFTER school in the bloody hot weather. DUMB DUMB DUMB!

it's so sad, this couple who were in perth died in a car crash. and the woman was 5 mths pregnant. AND this couple stayed at the next block from me!

on another note, there's so much talk abou vs going co-ed. LOL. i TOTALLY DISAGREE with that! it's gonna be sooo weird, vs being co-ed with girls and all. but then again, this is probably from the MOE, so all the petition may be fruitless in the end. HAHA, that picture is damn cute lah. crossing out girls. :D

aisyah : thanks for your testimonial. i'll write you one soon, when my com's better. it's damn lag and all. (:

i finished practicing one chp of a maths. SIMULTANEOUS EQUATIONS! ok, not a very great achievement, but it's a start.

now im sleepy again. im getting on my own nerves.

/im pretty sure it ain't that way :(

2005-08-20T16:34:00.000+08:00

my com's really screwed up. VERY BADLY> there's something really wrong with the bloody internet connection. PFFFFT. now i can't even go online?! i can't check my email either, seems like the hotmail web is down too.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. i want to go online. STUPID COM :'(

so much for wanting to start my revision today. all i did was practice erm, excersice 3.1 for amaths. then the rest of the day i've been eating AND sleeping -.- and icing my knee.

RAHHHH. such nice wet weather today, and i can't run.

why's EVERYTHING against me?!

i regret telling everything. what was i thinking? so what if it made me feel better, i should have just kept it to myself. now i jus keep worrying. UGH. how stupid can i get...

and i really dont like it when people jump to conclusions. you dont know anything, then dont say anything. COMMON SENSE aye? they really piss me off.

i've tried to sign into msn for like the 5th time already. i've shut down my com already. STUPID. i shall shut it down once more, and see if this bloody old thing is ready to start up properly or not.

AND i dont think negative. why do people keep saying that? RAHHHHHH.

i feel like punching walls again. BUT, i know that syu will be after for that. "no violence" she said as i got off the train the other day. and it seems, i AM lstening to her even though i dont want to.

/slap me and wake me up

2005-08-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

i typed out the whole bloody post, then my com went POOF. and my dad laughed at me, when he saw how frustrated i was -.-

i dont intend to blog out everything again, though it's quite interesting.

in short :
-my results suck badly
-trng was fun, i like catching!
-mr ng is an idiot, he can't teac, and i DONT WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!
-i think pigs have good lives, apart from the fact that they are FAT. i dont mind being a pig in my 2nd life, except thati 'd rather be a SKINNY PIG who doesnt get butchered up for pork :D

im sleepy again. it's so weird. there's this sleepiness/tiredness that i just can't sleep away. people have been telling me that i look real dead. DO I CARE.

{sneeze theory}
without the aid of a partially permeable membrane, a nseez takes approximately ONE DAY to travel from one country to another :D

/maybe i guess

2005-08-16T17:21:00.000+08:00

i can't stand it any longer. i need tot take my mind away from everything now.

i need a good book to read. i want to read. NOW. i shall go to the library and borrow a good book to read, for the sake of my sanity. and im on the brink of losing it.

2005-08-16T16:45:00.000+08:00

i blogged just now, but i've got another blog impulse again, since i've got no one to spill everything to.

... ...

forget it, it's ironic how i've got so much to say that i want to say but yet i dont want.

2005-08-16T15:43:00.000+08:00

i've been pretty stoned of late, rarely getting hyper in class. there's so much for me to think about ...

im into skipping recess nowadays, no appetite.

hmmm, SNEEZE theory? :D

i hope i pass the bio/chem CAs that we had today. it'd be nice to pass for a change. i passed chinese for this term too, incredible .. absoloodle. HAHA (:

my mom insists that i sleep earlier tonight, since i've been sleeping quite late for the past 2 days. she's so scared i'll fall sick AGAIN lah. if i do, that'd be the 3RD time this TERM. wth.

viv showed me the page in the teenage mag with all the shoutouts to their friends etc. EEW. all the WORX, i LURBB EEUU. gross.

the weather's getting so warm. let it RAIN, then i shall run all the way to the BEACH again :D RUN my troubles, RUN my thoughts away, RUN RUN RUN away.

/sometimes pain feels good

2005-08-15T16:33:00.000+08:00

it's still on my mind. since last night/early this morning, it's constantly been on my mind.

i improved my 2.4km by a measly 5 secs. WTF.

i feel like screaming my lungs out. i feel like running non stop till i drop. RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i wish myself the best luck in the world for tmr's bio and chem papers.

i slept for about 2.5 - 3 periods of class today. INCLUDING most of BIO -.- and the CA's tmr.

absolutely stupid.

we got back e math today. screw that subject.

im so bloody drained that im THISSS close to just breaking down. it's building up in me. i can feel it.

oh wait, im already crying.

2005-08-15T07:11:00.000+08:00

SIGH

i went to bed at 1.40am. but i stayed awake for so much longer. i knew i couldn't sleep. no one's evoked all those feelings before. they lay deep down inside. and frankly, i didnt think it'd ever resurface again.

it's a pity. i know.

sigh. oh well.

everything's a matter of choice, OUR choice.

/slumped to silence, again

2005-08-14T14:38:00.000+08:00

YAY. i FINALLY know how to play (some sort of) MINESWEEPER. everytime i played that, i could NEVER find the bombs -.- HAHA.

PFFFFT! i just ate PIZZA for lunch. i had 4 BIG slices, and i feel so full, FAT and sleepy! AND to think i was on a DIET. my mom kept telling me to EAT EAT EAT. when i said i was full, she already put another slice on my plate. RAHHHHH! i feel so full now, i'd swear those 4 slices could last me a FEW DAYS.

even though i've lost 2 kg, i swear all that food i just ate will put it all back on again.

my com's mad. SO mad. it's gone BERSEK. it's old, 7yearsold. it's terribly cranky. it's keep crashing. VERY annoying.

i'm on the 2nd set of chem notes laready. but im getting a little lost. sigh. why am i so hopelessly stupid.

im really very fed up with bio. it's theo nly subject that im still failing. as in, failing ALL the CAs and spring tests. STUPID. and to think ms yong told us to do the tYS questions, but oh! the answers there are WRONG. i want to burn my bio book.

it was fun listening to stories. HAHA :D

the yawn theory! it takes 7 seconds for the YAWN to DIFFUSE through the PARTIALLY PERMEABLE MEMBRANE (internet/cyberspace), and make the other person yawn! i shall update more about this once more experiments have been carried out :D :D

i learnt a new word! ABSOLOODLE! oh wait, or is it ABSODOODLE? haha, and it means absolutely. HAHA :D

pe tmr, 2.4km again. im gonna run in my old school shoes which are tearing at the side since
1) the new pair of school shoes are too lose, and they'll drop while im running
2) my running shoes are too tight for me, my toes hurt!
3) i hate running in basketball shoes.
i just hope my shoes can alst me for ONE more day at least.

i guess i've cheer up somewhat from last thursday.but i daresay, i've sunk even lower then before.

i can't help it, the song's STUCK onto me. because you live(:

/believe it or not, i DO try ok

2005-08-12T17:45:00.000+08:00

i DID eat today : 1 stick of pocky ( i shared the rest of the packet with people on the bus), viv SHOVED an inch of her fish burger into my mouth, and i took a fry from yiling.

AND im still not hungry. -shrugs

the carnival at marina bay was a BLOODY WASTE OF MY TIME. i could have been trng with syu and the rest in school. STUPID.

first time i enjoyed lit in a long time. i loved the paraphrasing of the poem by whathisname. so nice(: but when i asked mrs lim whether we had to completed it for hmwk, she said that mrs loe said it was too difficult for us. she wasn't even making the PURE lit students do that. LOL :D it was tought, but i liked it.

FAT&STUPID i KNOW i am ; it's my latest thing.

/im lost in my maze

2005-08-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

FAT&STUPID. that's probably the worst combination there is around.

i cried so hard, that my nose bled.
i bit my lip so hard, till it bled too.

how many times have i heard "you can always try harder next time rachel"?

yea so i got upset. call me a LOSER/STUPID ASSHOLE/DUMBASS/SISSY. ANYTHING. i dont care.

sometimes, i just feel like no one else cares/loves me. and this is just another one of those times.

/im sick of TRYING

2005-08-10T18:50:00.000+08:00

i spent about 10bucks on stationary today. PLEASE do not let me LOSE or DROP anymore of my pens.

today's the 2ND day of my DIET. i steered clear of the prata on my dining table, that was saying "RACHEL, COME AND EAT ME. IM FATTENING, BUT OH-SO-TASTY!"

i've exceeded the word limit for lit. "max 400 words" i've mangaed to cut down to 599. yes, long way more to go i know.

i just realised that tmr is THURSDAY(:

and it's so hard to say goodbye, because you're more than a friend.

/i DO try, you know

2005-08-08T17:06:00.000+08:00

NATIONAL DAY CELEBRATIONS TODAY! :D

i wore a dark PINK indian top, baggy white pants and slippers to school. all borrowed from steffi & her mom. THANKS! i got loads of STARES from ppl downstairs at the bus stop. guys going to school, old AH PEKS and AH MAHS. it was FREAKY ok!

steffi was early for once! we were crazy on the mrt, seriously. i kept FALLING, i just couldn't keep my balance. we met jt at paya lebar bus stop. he was wearing his sch u! BORING lah you jt! :D hahas, kidding!

i found today quite boring actually. the only nice thing was seeing everyone dress up in the different costumes. we kept taking pics with each other(:

assembly was boring. VERY boring. all the scholars of different races took turns to thanks spore. they put up some songs for us as well. theo nly thing that OUR school did, was the short skit by the drama club.

as usual, the teachers were invited onstage to sing the national day songs. AND WHAT DID WE SING? home, di tanjong katong, and smth else. RAHHHH! how boring can we get!

we had this rrly longwinded lecture/briefing by mrs ang on our Ne learning journey to marina bay, and she kept emphasising that there would be loads of ppl, and we could get lost. by the time that ended, i found out that BOTH melody and syu had disappeared. SYU! YOU MEANIE! you were supposed to wait for me and tell me what were your plans after school right? but NOOOOO, you just went off!

in the end, i went to melody's place for lunch. rachel came over as well. thanks for the instant noodles melody! (:

announcement : I AM ON DIET! no more SWEETS, CHOCOLATES and FAST FOOD. im fat enough already, and i've been getting FATTER and FATTER. yes, so be nice to me and dont TEMPT me with all this ok!

premonition. it's just so hard to leave it static.

/don't i seem happy enough?(:

2005-08-06T14:18:00.000+08:00

i went to steffi's house to get clothes to wear for national day. i finally found something that doesn't make me look 5 MONTHS PREGNANT :D i wont say much, just that it's an indian top. HAHA. i can't wait to see what everyone else is wearing. and i've decided to wear it TO school instead of only when i REACH school. thanks steffi (:

i was thinking about last night. a conversation that made a lot of sense.

everyone's got a mask. no one wears their heart on their sleeves, for the whole wide world to see. no one announces their troubles and worries, for the whole wide world to hear. we keep it to ourselves, and our close friends to know.

no matter how hard you try to hide everything, little slips here and there, will eventually give you away. it's just a matter of time, before someone notices. initially that may not seem like a good thing, but sometimes, just sometimes, it may be good.

well last night for example, the mask came off. slowly, layer by layer. it's not that i purposely want to hide anything, it's just that i dont see the point in letting other people know. but somehow i felt better after talking about it.

for so long i've tried to push it to the back of my head, and it took a long while before i stopped to think abou it so often. then something happened, that made all those thoughts resurface once more. i've always felt thae same way, nothing had actually changed. it's just that i chose to push to the furthest corner of my mind in hope that it wouldn't trouble me.

finally last night, i poured everything out. i know myself well enough, to know that i can't just forget everything.

i wont delete it from my memory, i can't. i'll just shift it to one side, and carry on.

i've thought about telling the truth before, many times in fact. but i know that if i were to, i'll have more to lose.

friendship comes before everything else. it's the basis of everything, in fact. i know if i were to tell the truth, there'd be a strain between the both of us. and that i do not want.

so i'll continue to be the good, caring friend i've always been. helping in times of trouble, caring when in need.

how true, where's the sense in dealing with issues you know you'd never be able to deal with on your own. it all boils down to, time.

i'll leave whatever there was, hanging there. and maybe, just maybe, i'll pick it up once more later on.

for the past month, my mask had been wearing out. tiny cracks became larger, it's colour was getting paler. i KNEW very well, then soon, it'd come off. true enough, last night it did.

i kept thinking about things last night, tossing and turning on my bed. i think i've made the right decision, for once, and im gonna stick to it.

/till it breaks again, the mask is on(:

2005-08-05T22:02:00.000+08:00

im so sleepy.

we got back CHINESE paper today. i failed, sadly. i really dont like chinese, what's new.

WHAT'S MRS ANG'S PROBLEM? our spring test was supposed to be TODAY on FUNCTIONS. then she didn't come to school today. no test. then she changes it to NEXT FRIDAY, on TRIGO. it's not like trigo is some easy chapter, she even gave us an OPTION about what we wanted.

geog was a waste of time today. viv, liyana and fadh went to the 5th floor! cool. i was reading my mag the whole time. slack slack slack.

class and bball photos are out. they're NICE :D im buying 5R for all, both formal and informal(: i think i look real FUNNY in all, but oh well.

we had GYM after school :D my back gave me so much trouble.

i find that with every batch of jnrs that come in, their attitudes are pretty different. i rmb when i was sec 1, we never aruged with our snrs. we never teased them or talked to them much in fact. we were terrified of them. quite terrified. everything they told us to do, no matter how much we did not like doing it, we did. why? cos our snr told us to.

im not saying that being close to snrs is wrong. in fact, it's quite good since everyone's together as ONE team. it's good to have fun, the teasing and all. but there's a limit to everything. melody likes to pull my hair, and im pretty fine with that. aisyah likes to poke me, so does shufang. it's weird, but im fine with it. at least they know their limits.

now joyce TUGGED my hair while i was lifting weights. my whole head JERKED back and i got a huge shock. that pissed me off alright. nevermind the fact that my head actually HURT when she pulled my hair, but i was CARRYING WEIGHTS. where's the sense? i almost dropped the bloody weight.

true, it's only a 4kg METAL weight. but it would have hurt if i had dropped it on my foot. maybe no permanent damage would have been done, but what if it was something heavier?

of all places, fool around inside the GYM.

my sore throats bad. my voice has gone hoarse again.

i'll just leave things where it is now. it's cant get any better, but it can't get any worse either. at least i KNOW what i should do, even though i can't really carry it out. it's easier said then done, how true. sigh.

till then ..

/the mask is on again(:

2005-08-04T18:23:00.001+08:00

so i heard news that DISGUSTED me terribly yesterday. i didn't know how to react to it. i just felt terribly stupid, after much thought, i realised it was all my fault i chose to do what i did. the self-blame/denial did not last long, it was over in minutes. there was no anger, no hate, no sadness. i was just angry at myself.

im very proud to say that i didn't cry. cos if i did, i'd be the stupidEST girl on this planet.

i wasn't all that surprised though. one of the people im talking about here, showed me that kind of image long time ago. it sick, literally.

i talk to who i want to talk. i think it's quite clear, that if i DONT like someone, i'd talk much less to him/her. enough said.

on another note, that's what possesed me to do so much GYM yesterday. trng was cancelled and we had gym instead :D we ran 7 rounds for warmup then went inside. after i finished everything, i started running on the treadmill for 20mins.

after gym, i felt MUCH BETTER(: i got bullied by the sec1s into sitting outside the Videoworld, instead of gg home to revise my e maths. i was eating POKKY. HAHAHA. apparently melody and aisyah read my blog but they dont tag me. LOL.

and i told aisyah that bus onethreefive(: has NICE SEATS! :D

we had chinese listening compre today. i couldn't catch most of the words, and counted on the repeat of the passages to get them. but i FELL ASLEEP when they repeated a second time. so, good luck to me.

e maths went so badly today i cried. stupid i know, but i panicked and forgot everything, and yea.

we had NAPFA 5 items today. rahh, i got 3 As and 2 Bs. im deproving every year. wth!

i tried on Naad's malay constume when i went back to class. i put it on over my pe. joz said i looked 5 months PREGNANT. ok, i know the costume was a bit BIG lah, but 5 months pregnant? THANKYOU JOZETTE! hahahas.

i KNOW im gonna ache tmr, and guess what? there's gym again! and that reminds me, i've gotta find someone to replace me to do NAPFA testing. i wanna do GYM :D

im so tired, maybe it was the NAPFA.

im feeling drained, physically and emotionally. oh well ...

bus onethreefive didn't have such NICE SEATS today. HAHA :D

/kick up the leaves, and the magic is lost(:

2005-08-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

i didn't sleep in class AT ALL today! and im rrly proud of that ok, since i've been sleping during lessons quite a bit of late.

we didn't get back chinese paper today. and i dont know whether to feel relieved or not. i know i've failed, but i dont know HOW BADLY. i think mdm chee's aim must be to make all of us FAIL our paper lah. STUPID.

chinese listening on thurs. i hope i dont fall asleep like the previous practice we had. i woke up to find that the teacher had left, th 3/6 students had left and liyana was asking me to go back to my place. i was still holding my PEN from doing the questions! I MUST KEEP AWAKE during listening, RAHH.

i dont want my bio paper back. someone kindly flush it down the toilet bowl for me.

i was caught STEALING TOILET PAPER form the teachers toilet today by mrs loy! HAHA. we've always been stealing toilet paper anyway, from the toilet beside 3/1 or from the lower floors.

i pushed open the toilet door and suddenly "OIE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? YOU'R LIKE SOME ALIEN OVER HERE YOU KNOW!" yep, that was mrs loy. interesting thing, she called me an ALIEN. er .. ?

ms yong took over our free period and went through our practicals. she stole our time but we got it back with an e maths free period cos mrs hoy was on mc and there was no relief teacher! i FINALLY handed in my lit hmwk :D saachi and i were listening to her radio and doing hmwk. a maths is giving me a BIG headache. thanks bear, for lending me you'r answers to look at(:

i've been sick for almost a week. this flu better pass soon.

i stoned on the way home. i thought about a lot of things, nothing in particular though. just random things.

/it's not impossible, just rrly unlikely

2005-07-29T16:25:00.000+08:00

RAHH. im down with such a bad cold/cough/flu today. i used up 3 packets of tissue in just 6 hrs of school. mom told me to skip trng today, she said that she's gonna write me an excuse letter. i can't seem to stop sneezing, and to think im actually on medication.

we had our PI yesterday! i slept through LokeYeo's and that guest of honour's speech. their speeches were SO LONG. i dozed off on steffi's shoulder, and she eventually dozed off too. we were making all sorts of comments about the prefects from various schools that came in. HAHA. the dance wasn't too bad, Loise's jokes were DAMN GOOD! yea, it rrly brought the house down :D we actually had a rehearsel for singing our school song, whereby mdm chee gladly interrupted us and told us to sing louder.

aishah came back! :D she kopped food for steffi and i, thanks! i rmb when i was a POP in sec 1, [yes i know it's hard to believe], i had to serve all the guests food. i did some ushering too i think. LUCKILY i decided to quit, i wasn't born to be good. i wouldn't want to 'tarnish' the bballer's reputation of being the prefect within the cca.

the whole class ran our NAPFA 2.4km yesterday too. linyi was supposed to run WITH me, but she started so fast on the first round. mdm lee said "c'mon rachel, i know you can do better" when she saw me lagging behind -.- oh well, it's not MY FAULT that i start slow what!

:D im pretty ok with my timing, 12minutes 41secs. 5 secs slower than linyi, dang. oh well, at least i got an A. we've GOT TO run again, next monday. nonsense man! mdm lee said all her classes run twice to take the better timing. FORGET IT LAH. i can't be bothered :D i'll prolly end up running with joy as planned.

i took height&weight too. im SO PISSED! i didn't grow at all. wth. AND i put on weight. i hate weighing scales. POOF.

i found today's lessons real draggy. we had quite a few absentees, viv being one of them suddenly i hear less "worx" around class. HAHAS.

damn funny, we had 2 teachers coming into class at wrong times when it wasn't their periods.

bear drew two cartoon pictures for me, featuring a RUNNING nose and a STUFFED nose i think. haha, it was damn funny lah. thankyou!

HOMEWORK:
lit creative task 2
e maths
chinese wksht [that everyone has handed in while i was sleeping]

TESTS:
english compre - wed
e maths - chps 7, 9, 10
a maths quiz/spring test[?] - chp 9, functions

/that bus,that seat
onethreefive(:

2005-07-27T20:37:00.000+08:00

:D YAY. i missed my com during the 5 days that i didn't have any time to come online/blog.

my weekend was a waste, seriously. i had my bio book open to the same page for SO MANY hours on saturay. i jus STARED at the words, nothing STAYED in my head, they just entered and LEFT. i should have been panicking, but strangely enough, i couldn't care less :/

it was only on sunday LATE AFTERNOON that my brain decided to allow bio to reside within my brain. i stayed up till 1.30am just mugging away, and silently praying that everything i was studying REMAINED in my poor head.

we had chinese oral on monday. we only had like THREE MINUTES to prepare the passage in some classroom. WTF! the passage was so foreign. there were difficult words in EVERY line lah please. and i ddin't even have time to finish. i only read the FIRST para. the passage was so long, it took up the whole paper. in the end, it turned out that zhenlaoshi asked me to read the 3rd or 4th para only. i read it rrly SLOWLY. cos it was my first time reading, and i needed time to make up some pronounciation for those words i cldn't read.

she was rrly nice anyway, zhenlaoshi. but bloody hell, she wrote down my mark for the passage reading BEFORE i had fnished. she gave me 2/5. FAIL. hoho. the conversation question was HARD!

*how my chinese oral was like :

laoshi: are you wangshulin?
me: nods.
laoshi: please read [points to passage]
me: reads the passage SLOWLY -.-
laoshi: says the conversation topic

ME : STARES AT LAOSHI, COS I DONTK NOW WHAT TO SAY
LAOSHI : STARES BACK AT ME
ME: STARE AGAIN
LAOSHI:SMILES, HOPEING I WILL START SPEAKING
ME: STARE, TRIES TO SMILE

laoshi: realises i dont know what to say, starts prompts
me: gives short 3 lined answers:(

*THE END

it went badly, i was a bundly of nerves in side the room.
but i got my A anyway :D 14/20 HAHAHA(:

bio CA was on tuesday. that went like shit. boo.

a maths today. went like shit too. boohoo.

i had this horrific sore throat/flu today. for some weird reason, i was FREEZING during english. thanks to: VIV for her warm softball jacket :D

amanda and i didn't train today. i did gym though. coach changed the routine. she took off some stuff, and added other things. so funny, there's so much difference betw the METAL and PLASTIC weights, despite the fact both have "2KG" written on them.

im supposed to be doing english compre hmwk now. keyword :supposed(:

YAY. classes end at 12pm tmr, since there's gonna be PI. congrats to all prefects out there. congrats esp to EUNICE. i never thought she'd be head prefect. everytime i think of tmr, i think of PI, i think of me going crazy with steffi. HAHA :D

PE tmr. im supposed to tell mdm lee who are the 2 girls who can make it to the sports forum. HAII. no one can make it lah! she's gonna kill me. i swear. im running 2.4km, swapped with bear at first. then viv :D

SOME STUPID INSECT/MOSQUITO BIT MY TOE AND FOOT. NOW IT'S ALL SWOLLEN. I'VE NEVER SEEN MY TOE BALLOON UP LIKE THAT, SO FAST. IT'S NOT ITCHY, IT'S PAINFUL. THAT KIND OF IRRITATING PAIN. I WANT TO KILL THAT BLOODY THING. NOTHING BETTER TO DO, BUT BITE ME.

my eyes are shutting, ugh. and i wanted to reply melody's letter and faith's email. great.

syu - take care of that thumb/hand ok! stop doing stupid things to it lah! sorry for fooling aroudn with your phone's camera. i was rrly bored. HEHH.

melody - thanks for those ice cubes today. it was a tempoary pain reliever. take care of your back(:

steffi - get some beauty sleep, we both need the rest aye. and no matter what, im just a call or 15minute bike ride away from you ok! LOVE YOU, BELOVED(:

/bus onethreefive(:

2005-07-23T18:36:00.000+08:00

CIP was tiring. shelving books and straightening them just took a toll on my back. luckily, my thighs are better today, if not i would have died with all that squatting to reach the lower shelves. the librarians are a funny bunch :D

lunch was another funny affair. finally, we bought food that actually FILLED us. we had HaiSing guys for eyecandy. HAHA. we both set besdie the window at the foodcourt, looking at the 3 floors below us. we were MAD, as i had expected.

we both needed to buy stuffs, but ended up not buying anything at all. we walked around the WHOLE mall, popping in and out.

chinese oral on monday. DIE. i've hardly spoken a word of chinese during chinese lessons. if/when i do have to talk to the teacher, it's in ENGLISH. someone help me, monday is TWO days away. bloody hell. they better not ask anything about the London bombings or the NKF, i dont know how to say ANYTHING.

what i DO know how to say is just, "laoshi wu an". and i dont think greeting the teacher is gonna get me much marks, even if i put on my widest and most desperate smile.

i dont feel like studying for bio & a maths. i just feel like sleeping.

NAPFA 2.4km run's next week. ugh, someone help me. the five items test is in week 6. i hate the new running route in school. it's so easy to trip and sprain your ankle. GAHH, trust the school to come up with it.

the school's barricaded the areas where students can run a short cut. they've taped it up, and put a sign " TKGS INTEGRITY". after one of our trngs, i saw the sign and decided to do something about it. i took out the paper, folded it into quarters and put it back. so the words couldn't be seen any more. i was lucky mdm khoo wasn prowling around. SHEESH. tkgs intergrity -.-

i rrly should be studying right now. but it's no point, my mind would just wonder off ...

im rrly pissed at myslef for my geog MCQ test marks. pathetic B. and it was MCQ.

i dont care, steffi and i better catch the same 135 bus as last thursday. we just HAVE to :D

/im confused, but at least im happy(:

2005-07-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

i couldn't wake up properly today. i was tired, and aching so badly. i waited for qianhui for a while, to pass her the yearbooks. i thought i saw lynette walking towards caltex, i couldnt' see properly without my specs. LOL. true enough, it was her. and we both didnt notice we were there! (:

i think school was pretty slack today. bio practical was ok, no more lesson on worms! :( HAHA. sam & i came up with another way how to pull out the LONG worms without manually pulling with your hands. ATTACH TO SEWING MACHINE! then you have worms as threads, sick but ingenious :D

we got back a maths spring today. i actually passed :D all thanks to steffi's last mintue tuition on 2 mrt rides. they worked wonders.

e maths remedial was FUNNY. i sat with viv, and we were .. mad. we took 1 hour to do TWO questions. HELP LAH. i dunnoe whether it was cos the trigo questioins were tough, or cos we kept laughing. HEHE. i kept getting the bearings wrong. PFFT! the whole remedial hour passed so fast. but almost everyone stayed back longer to do a bit more. im sturggling with TEXTBOOK questions, how to pass the CA? :(

i was late for trng. coach seemed to be in such a foul mood. by the time i finished the warmup 10 rounds and stretching, everyone had a break -.- i dont think trng was rrly tough, apart from that stupid TWO MINUTE stationary squat. my legs were like lead after that.

i ate like a pigGY during recess. i had a fish burger, half a bowl of mushroom noodle soup & peanut butter sandwiches.

my mom EXPECTS me to be studying now. wtf please. i've never done any studying on a friday night. because i'ts a FRIDAY and cos im too tired. and steffi was so amazed when i shouted at my mom just now, haha.

CIP tmr. i predict steffi & i will end up doing stupid things :D

i keep forgetting when's photo taking for basketball next week. i can't rmb what we're supposed to wear either. UGH.

i had a very nice dream last night. steffi says it sounds so REAL. ah, i wish (: oh well, it's a DREAM. JUST a dream.

/what's the use of thinking about it anyway?